Even though more than two weeks still remain in 2022, we feel it’s time to look back at the year that was. Earlier this week, we did that by highlighting some of our favorite local music (and music videos) of the year’s first 11.5 months and by revisiting some of our favorite articles  from the more than 1,000 posts Milwaukee Record managed to publish in 2022. Today, we set our emotions and opinions aside to, instead, dig into some data. After crunching some numbers, we’ve emerged with a list of Milwaukee Record‘s 25 most-read articles—not including brackets!—of the year. Some articles are expected entrants on the list, others are surprising, and more than a few were actually posted on the site prior to 2022. As always, thanks for reading!

25. MKE SEX: Let’s talk about nipple clamps
“For people who like both nipple play and intensity, nipple clamps can be really fun. Nipples and areolas (the darker circles that surrounds them) are dense in nerve endings, making them more sensitive than most other parts of your body. Interestingly, they are also more durable since they are designed to withstand the potential trauma of a newborn baby latching on and suckling. And, intimate contact with the nipples and areolas causes an immediate spike in oxytocin production. Since oxytocin is the hormone responsible for orgasm (and a million other things related to sex and reproduction), this boost can be both very helpful and a lot of fun.” [Lucky Tomaszek]

24. The 20 Minnesota Vikings starting quarterbacks of the last 20 years, ranked
“Spergon Wynn played very sparingly with the Browns during the 2000 season, his rookie year. However, the sixth round selection wound up appearing in three games with the Vikings the following year. In those games (two of those starts and Minnesota losses), Wynn threw just over 400 yards total and had exactly one touchdown, compared to SIX interceptions. He never played in the NFL again.” [Tyler Maas]

23. MKE SEX: Let’s talk about breathplay
“First things first: Breath holding during sex and orgasm isn’t all that abnormal. A lot of people do it to varying degrees without thinking about it. Short periods of breath holding can be one typical physiologic response to sexual stimulation. Intentionally holding your own breath for longer periods of time is the safest type of breathplay.” [LT]

22. We ate all 8 of Wisconsin State Fair’s 2022 Sporkies finalists
“Sometimes the State Fair stars align: you procure a $15 parking spot on someone’s lawn, you stroll up to a gate with nary a line, and within moments you’re sitting in the Bud Pavilion eating some Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Chicken On-a-Stick and listening to a cover band (Road Crew Acoustic) play ‘Wagon Wheel.’ Iconic. Even better: these deep-fried chicken skewers breaded in Flamin’ Hot Cheetos dust and drizzled with chipotle ranch are GREAT. The dust isn’t too overpowering or ‘flamin’,’ and the chicken is practically worth the price tag alone. A winner through and through! For best results, skip the beer and pair with a Mountain Dew. Heeeeey, mama rock me.” [Milwaukee Record Staff]

21. ‘Bar Rescue’ can’t rescue Nick’s House from ‘Bar Rescue’
“We can’t say whether owner Nick DePalma fell into old habits or if customers simply weren’t into paying $6.25 for a glorified citrus vodka cranberry called The Mystery Machine at a bar whose theme came from an early 2000s sitcom based in a fictional Wisconsin town. We never returned after our first visit and we suspect we weren’t alone in this.” [TM]

20. Witness the last call of Judge’s Irish Pub on the East Side
“R.I.P. Judge’s. This author remembers playing pool there from time to time and eventually getting thrown out when one of his friends tripped and smashed through the sliding glass back patio door.” [Matt Wild]

19. Nick’s House / Y-Not III has been demolished
Bar Rescue descended on the struggling Y-Not III back in the fall of 2014, transforming the dive-y East Side establishment into a dive-y East Side establishment with more shag carpeting. The newly christened Nick’s House struggled to find its footing, however, and owner Nick DePalma announced the bar was going out of business.” [MW]

18. Lakefront’s “Putin Is A Dick” crowler label will benefit Ukrainian refugees
“Milwaukee mainstay Lakefront Brewery is the best. Russian president Vladimir Putin is a dick (to put it lightly). What happens when the two collide? Lakefront’s new ‘Putin Is A Dick’ crowler label, of course.” [MW]

17. Holy crap, Milwaukee is getting a new 8,000-seat soccer stadium and 3,500-person concert venue
“Just when you thought Milwaukee’s sports and concert venue news couldn’t get any twistier, along comes a new twist: a just-announced 8,000-seat soccer stadium complete with an adjacent 3,500-person concert venue (and a hotel, retail, and housing) coming to the corner of 6th and Michigan in Downtown Milwaukee. Holy crap.” [MW]

16. The 25 Chicago Bears starting quarterbacks of the last 20 years, ranked
“Somebody had to be last, and that person is Todd Collins. The longtime Buffalo, Kansas City, and Washington reserve quarterback ended his career on a sour note as Jay Cutler’s backup in Chicago in 2010. In two games (one start), he completed just 37 percent of his passes. He had a total of 68 passing yards, no touchdowns, and five interceptions.” [TM]

15. Remembering the Solid Gold McDonald’s in Greenfield
“The ‘Solid Gold McDonald’s’ opened in 1991. During its two-decade existence, the fast food joint freed itself from the chains or ‘chain restaurant’ regulations by operating with a distinct 1950s theme—with some nods to the ’60s, ’70s, and early ’80s, too—that wedged rock and roll memorabilia, classic car and motorcycle imagery, and other pieces of Americana into an active McDonald’s.” [TM]

14. Here are the dates for the 2022 Milwaukee Night Market, and that’s it
“Wednesday, June 15
. Wednesday, July 13
. Wednesday, August 17. 
Wednesday, September 21.” [MW]

13. Mill’s Fleet Farm vs. Blain’s Farm & Fleet
“Though the chain stores have similar names, a similarly-sized presence in the Upper Midwest, and the aforementioned likenesses in terms of what they stock on their shelves, Mills Fleet Farm and Blain’s Farm & Fleet are, in fact, different…no matter how subtle those differences might be. So that means one of them has to be better than the other, right?” [TM]

12. La Crema in Cudahy is now open (and it’s very good!)
“Between the warm and inviting space, the wide variety of breakfast and lunch options offered, the great service we experienced, along with the respectable portions and prices, we’re happy La Crema is now open. We’ll be back there soon.” [TM]

11. We tried Beef Fizz (and other old-timey summer drinks) so you don’t have to
“Somehow, the unholy combination of beef, citrus fruit, and ginger ale didn’t catch on in the U.S. Even though it sounds downright awful and society has clearly spoken, we’re always looking for a new way to beat the heat and stay hydrated in the summertime. So we decided to make a batch of Beef Fizz to see if cookbook publishers from more than a half century ago were actually onto something. And while we were at it, we figured we’d also make and sample a few other classic summer beverages from yesteryear.” [TM]

10. Please enjoy Appleton, Wisconsin native Willem Dafoe saying “bubbler” on ‘Saturday Night Live’
“Forever awesome actor Willem Dafoe is originally from Appleton, Wisconsin. (Dafoe also attended the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, and was a part of Theatre X.) Forever awesome actor Willem Dafoe hosted Saturday Night Live Saturday night, and his Wisconsin roots figured into his monologue. Was Dafoe called on to do a Wisconsin accent? Yes. Did he perform said accent and utter the word “bubbler”? See for yourselves (the bit starts at the 2:00 mark).” [MW]

9. Dave’s Hot Chicken to open first Milwaukee location this week
“Dave’s Hot Chicken’s Milwaukee location will be open Sunday through Thursday from 10:30 a.m. until 11 p.m., and Friday and Saturday from 10:30 a.m. until midnight.” [TM]

8. Check out a new, delightfully detailed illustrated map of Milwaukee
“What is it about illustrated maps of Milwaukee that’s so fascinating, so captivating, so delightful? We have one from the ’70s hanging in our office, and many others have popped up over the years, too. Now, artist and illustrator Mario Zucca has entered the cartoon Milwaukee map fray with a whimsical and delightfully detailed creation that has to be seen to be appreciated. So here it is!” [MW]

7. The best Milwaukee-area fish frys of 2021
“Assuming I eat a fish fry the day this article comes out, I’ll have eaten a fish fry every Friday night for eight years straight. It’s not something I set out to do, but I’m grateful for the opportunity to keep at it. I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon, but as I’ve said before, someday there will be an end—to the fish frys and to life. It could be next week. It could be in 35 years. That’s how the big game works.” [Caleb Westphal]

6. R.I.P. Milwaukee musician, ‘American Movie’ co-star Mike Schank
“Rest easy, Mike.” [MW]

5. 30 years ago, a WCW PPV at the Milwaukee Theater changed pro wrestling
“What we’re going to focus on today is the slow but steady ascent of high-flying, arial cruiserweight wrestling, a style that was an anomaly in ’80s/’90s pro wrestling, but began to gain a foothold in the industry thanks in part to a groundbreaking match that took place right here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 30 years ago next week.” [DJ Hostettler]

4. MKE SEX: Is “cunnilingus tongue” really a thing?
“Just to maintain my reputation as the buzz-kill sex-educator, I need to point out that these little sores on your frenulum are open wounds. That means that getting one during oral sex increases your risk for contracting an STI that can be transmitted orally (including chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, HPV, and others). Dental dams and condoms are your friends when you’re having oral sexy times!” [LT]

3. R.I.P. Campbell’s Irish Pub, the last of Milwaukee’s ‘Bar Rescue’ bars
“And then there were none. Somewhere, Jon Taffer is shedding a single tear of Smirnoff vodka.” [MW]

2. We only have a few years left to enjoy the Milwaukee Public Museum
“Maybe there’s a silver lining. Maybe it’s a gift that we know with near-certainly that the Milwaukee Public Museum isn’t long for this world. We know we still have time to enjoy it, to soak in the sights and sounds. We know we still have time to explore it, to find things we never found or things we forgot. We know we still have time to get lost in it.” [MW]

1. I went to the last Ponderosa in Wisconsin (and one of the last locations in the world)
“Its fate isn’t set in stone, but it sure isn’t promising. So I guess I went there to say goodbye while I still could, and to give you all a look inside in case you wanted to stop by and pay your respects with a last plate (or two or three) of your own.” [TM]