Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job, Milwaukee! Bot to keep track of the city’s many appearances on dopey online lists or ridiculous studies, as well as any time a national publication acknowledges our pathetic Midwest existence. This week: Is Milwaukee one of the worst U.S. cities for stoners?

Let’s start with the good, not-completely-unrelated news: On Wednesday, April 20, we’re screening Dazed And Confused at the Avalon Theater. Tickets are on sale NOW!

Now for the bad news: According to a recent study by real estate data company Clever, Milwaukee is one of the worst U.S. cities for stoners. Like, out of 50 metro areas, Milwaukee came in at #46. Harsh.

“Milwaukee has zero dispensaries and just 0.7 head shops per 100,000 residents,” the study says. “As a group, the bottom 10 cities have 88% fewer dispensaries and 27% fewer head shops than the average city. Cities in the bottom 10 are also 37% less likely to search for marijuana-related terms on Google. Milwaukee has a pot passion score of just 29 out of 100.”

Also: “In Milwaukee, 1 ounce of high-quality weed costs residents an average of $328.” If you say so, Clever.

Unsurprisingly, Denver, Colorado topped the list. Joining Milwaukee near the bottom were Washington DC (#50), Charlotte and Raleigh, North Carolina (#49, #48), and Memphis Tennessee (#47). Meanwhile, Madison, Wisconsin is nowhere to be found on the list, which seems wrong.

The rankings used various weighted criteria, including number of dispensaries per 100,000 residents within 25 miles, number of head shops per 100,000 residents within 25 miles, and, of course, number of Taco Bells per 100,000 residents. Also, whether or not weed is actually legal in a particular city was given a lot of weight. Marijuana, if you need a reminder, is currently illegal in Milwaukee and Wisconsin.

There’s a whiff of hope, however! On Wednesday, April 20 (again), the Wisconsin Senate will publicly hear a Republican-authored bill to legalize medical marijuana. “I want to encourage every Wisconsinite who has an interest in this to come engage in the process, share your perspective, and learn about the bill,” said Republican Sen. Mary Felzkowski of Tomahawk, who is sponsoring the bill. “Whether you think the bill goes too far, or not far enough, what’s important is that we all come together to have an open, honest and respectful discussion about moving this idea forward.”

The bill has no chance of becoming law in 2022, however, because the Wisconsin Legislature is off for the remainder of the year, and won’t return to work until 2023. Typical stoners.

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About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.