Great Job, Milwaukee! Milwaukee is the best coffee city in America, neither dirty nor clean

Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job, Milwaukee! Bot to keep track of the state’s many appearances on dopey online lists, as well as any time a national publication acknowledges our pathetic Midwest existence. This week: Is Milwaukee the best coffee city in America?

Milwaukee has a great coffee scene. Is it the best coffee scene in the entire country? A list put together by an out-of-town real estate website says YES. Who are we to argue?

Yep, Clever Real Estate has run the numbers and it turns out Milwaukee is indeed this 2022’s Best Coffee City in America. “Milwaukee is the best at balancing affordable brews with a growing coffee scene,” the site says. “The area’s affordable cost of living provides Milwaukee cafe owners the flexibility they need to create a unique experience for cafe-goers. Plus, there are plenty of opportunities for new faces to break into the specialty coffee scene, making it America’s best coffee city.

“With prices well below the national average,” the site continues, “Milwaukeeans can get their caffeine fix daily while only shelling out $926 per year for their coffee, or 1.5% of their annual income—one of only 5 cities where the cost comes in at under $1,000.”

For those keeping score at home, here’s the criteria Clever used for the list:

• The average price of a cappuccino in each city

• The average number of coffee shops per capita in each metro

• The number of coffee shops per square mile in each metro

• What percentage of their income locals are willing to spend on a daily weekday cup

• The Google search trends for coffee-related terms in each metro

Portland, Oregon and San Francisco, California came in at #2 and #3, respectively. We assume they’re assembling their own breathless coverage as we speak. Oh, wait…

ANYWAY, Milwaukee is also neither dirty nor clean. That’s from another list released this week, this one from lawn care website LawnStarter. “Some cities are dirtier than others,” LawnStarter says. “How does your city compare to the others in our ranking of 2022’s Dirtiest Cities in America?”

And, well, out of 87 cities, Milwaukee came in at #44. Right in the middle. Between Miami, Florida and Tuscon, Arizona. Forty-four. Neither dirty nor clean. Huh. How about that. There you go.

GREAT JOB, MILWAUKEE!