Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job Milwaukee Bot to keep track of the city’s many appearances on dopey online lists, as well as any time a national publication deigns to acknowledges our pathetic Midwest existence. Enjoy?

Milwaukee is horny. Milwaukee is the 47th horniest city in America. So says a new list from LawnStarter.com, the internet’s horniest site for affordable lawn care services.

According to LawnStarter, Paradise, Nevada is the horniest city in America, coming hard at #1. Midland, Texas is the least horny city in America, barely coming at all at #200. Again, Milwaukee comes respectively at #47, which is one step hornier than Miami. Whatever you say, LawnStarter.

“LawnStarter ranked the Horniest Cities in America by comparing the 200 biggest cities based on nine key indicators of sexual arousal,” LawnStarter says. “Among the factors we looked at with our eyes wide shut: the share of the single population, Google search interest in adult content, and sex-toy sales.”

You can find LawnStarter’s entire methodology HERE, along with a survey about humping before, during, and after the pandemic. LawnStarter: ladies and gentlemen in the grass, freaks in the…well, you get the idea.

Also, another dumb list released today says Milwaukee is the 50th best city for staycations. Are horny staycations a thing? Probably. Also, June 9 (6/9) is National Sex Day. Nice.

Exclusive articles, podcasts, and more. Support Milwaukee Record on Patreon.


RELATED ARTICLES

Great Job, Milwaukee! Milwaukee is the 87th best city for naked gardening

Great Job, Milwaukee! The New York Times spent 36 hours in Milwaukee and had a nice time

Great Job, Milwaukee! Gwyneth Paltrow’s awful “Goop” website likes our food

Great Job, Milwaukee! Vogue thinks Milwaukee is “cool and underrated”

Great Job, Milwaukee! We really clicked the hell out of that Vogue article

About The Author

Co-Founder and Editor

Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.

X