Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job Milwaukee Bot to keep track of the city’s many appearances on dopey online lists, as well as any time a national publication deigns to acknowledges our pathetic Midwest existence. In the past, the infernal machine has brought us news that Rolling Stone likes Summerfest, that Travel + Leisure thinks we’re ugly as dirt, and that Vogue thinks Milwaukee is “the Midwest’s coolest (and most underrated) city.”

And now, Gwyneth Paltrow likes our food. Or at least her awful “modern lifestyle” website Goop does. Put down your $350 meditation bands and buckle up.

Yes, Milwaukee makes an appearance in a new Goop piece titled “The Four Most Underrated American Food Cities.” Again with being underrated! “On the shores of Lake Michigan, Wisconsin’s largest city is often overlooked and in the shadow of Chicago, a mere ninety miles away,” begins the Milwaukee blurb, as all Milwaukee blurbs are legally required to begin. It continues:

But it’s precisely because of its under-the-radar status that visitors are rethinking Milwaukee. The city’s delightfully unpretentious restaurants are helmed by chefs who’ve come here to bypass Chicago’s crowded, more expensive culinary scene, and who can take full advantage of the surrounding farmland. One weekend here and you’ll learn that Milwaukee (and Wisconsin in general) is so much more than beer and dairy.

From there, (terrific) places like Ardent, Braise, and the Milwaukee Public Market get shout-outs, as does the Iron Horse and the Milwaukee Art Museum. Presumably, these are all also fine places to enjoy a $110 fruit bowl as you insert a jade egg into your vagina.

As of press time, there was no musical response from that guy who told people not to move here after that Vogue piece came out.

Rounding out the Goop article are Asheville, North Carolina; Maui, Hawaii; and Portland, Maine. There’s no byline attached to the piece, a fact that, according to OnMilwaukee, insinuates “perhaps, that the recommendations come from Paltrow herself.” Uh huh. Cue that Nico song!

About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.