Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job, Milwaukee! Bot to keep track of the city’s many appearances on dopey online lists, as well as any time a national publication deigns to acknowledges our Midwest existence. Today’s bot report comes hot on the heels of yesterday’s news that Milwaukee is a “city to watch” in 2017. But don’t watch too closely, because we’re apparently ugly as fuck.

Yes, according to the beautiful people at Travel + Leisure, Milwaukee is the fifth “least attractive” city in America. Our beloved if looks-challenged city is nestled between the creeps in Charlotte, North Carolina (#4) and the Morlocks in Cleveland, Ohio (#6). Explain yourselves, oh arbiters of beauty at T+L!

Milwaukee is a city of contrasting personalities. There’s the artsy side, with a museum designed by Santiago Calatrava and a thriving theater scene that regularly stages world premieres. There’s the Germanic brew-town side, helmed by Miller but increasingly dominated by local craft brewers. And there’s the Midwest agricultural side, with the Wisconsin State Fair bringing cheese curds, cream puffs—a local specialty—and animal beauty contests to the region each summer. The city’s residents failed to take home the blue ribbon for their own looks though, coming in as the fifth-least attractive in the country.

Okay then. The dubious ranking comes from T+L‘s recent America’s Favorite Places survey, in which “readers scored cities across a wide range of categories, including how attractive locals are.” An easily manipulated, wholly unscientific survey? That’s good enough for the Great Job, Milwaukee! Bot. (It’s good enough for the mayor.) So great job, Milwaukee! Maybe it’s the lighting.

About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.