Warning! Warning! This is not a test! Our patented Great Job Milwaukee Bot 6000 is informing us that The New York Times—yes, The New York Times!—has just published a glowing article about Milwaukee! It’s part of the Times‘ “36 Hours” series. It’s called “36 Hours in Milwaukee.” THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE. THIS IS THE REAL THING!
“Milwaukee has gone by many nicknames over the years: Cream City, Brew Town, the German Athens,” begins the arti…wait, “German Athens”? Has anyone ever heard of that before? Some of you? Huh. Anyway, continuing: “But a lesser-known, more local handle—Smallwaukee—may best capture the personality of this Wisconsin city of 600,000, which can feel like a small town in big-city clothing, embodying the advantages of both.”
Smallwaukee! A small town in big-city clothing! (Maybe it should be the other way around?) Oh hell yes. Does the intro go on to mention the Fiserv Forum, The Hop, the one place The Hop goes to (the Milwaukee Public Market—EDIT: Oh relax, it’s only a joke!), the impending DNC, and our Socialist politicians from 8,000 years ago? Yes. Does the article itself focus mostly on Downtown and Bay View? You better believe it.
Here’s a recap of the stuff Times writer Robert Simonson did during his 36 hours in Milwaukee:
• Went to the National Bobblehead Hall of Fame
• Ate at Three Brothers
• Drank at At Random
• Checked out the Basilica of St. Josaphat
• Got a bite to eat at El Salvador Restaurant and chilled out in Kosciuszko Park
• Looked at some Frank Lloyd Wright stuff
• Drank at the Drink Wisconsinbly Pub, threw shade at Kato Kaelin
• Got a snack at the Tavern at Turner Hall
• Went to the hotel where Theodore Roosevelt was shot by someone who had just seen Joker
• Ate and drank at The Original
• Brunch at Sobelman’s, duh
• Looked at the the Joan of Arc chapel
• Looked at the Pabst Mansion
Fun! Great job, Milwaukee! *patiently awaits the Pete Freeman response song*
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