Believe it or not, football is back! The NFL’s regular season begins tonight, and our Green Bay Packers will start play on Sunday afternoon when they take on the New Orleans Saints in a game that had to be moved to Jacksonville. So much has happened this offseason, and that’s not even including the wholly unnecessary Aaron Rodgers-related drama.
Among those changes in the Pack’s active and altogether annoying offseason is the acquisition of Randall Cobb. Even though the trade was pretty much only done to appease Rodgers, Cobb’s return brings a fan favorite back to town, marginally improves the team’s receiving corps, and serves as what passes as a nice storyline for a disgruntled team in a bad league and shitty world. Whatever. In addition to the slight bump he brings to Green Bay’s offense, Cobb’s return also helps the team in the all-too-important “Players With Food-Related Names” category. That’s huge!
Since we’re too busy, too unwilling, and admittedly too unqualified to talk X’s and O’s before the start of the 2021 season, let’s just nominate some past and present players to be part of the Green Bay Packers All Food Team.
Herb Adderley
Not only was Herb Adderley one of the best defensive backs in Packers (and arguably in NFL) history, the Hall Of Famer, five-time Pro Bowler, and three-time Super Bowl champ also has a nickname that makes people think about herbs. Talk about a “seasoned veteran,” right? Right.
Zeke Bratkowski
With the possible exception of Buckets Goldenberg, there’s no name that’s more emblematic of the Packers organization and its fan base than Zeke Bratkowski. Following a few years in Chicago and Los Angeles, the Danville, Illinois native came back to the Midwest to finish his career as Bart Starr’s backup for seven seasons, winning two Super Bowl rings in the process. Oh, and his last name has the word “brat” in it. Kind of like bratwurst.
Randall Cobb
Randall Cobb is back, baby! Would we much rather see rookie receiver Amari Rodgers get a chance to develop than give snaps to a comparable player who is much older and more expensive? Yes. Does the “Cobb” surname remind us of corn on the cob? Also yes.
Reggie Cobb
Kind of like Randall, but a running back that spent one season with the Packers in the ’90s.
Junior Coffey
What do you order when you just need a little morning pick-me-up? Why, a Junior Coffey or course! The spelling is wrong, but do you think we give a shit about that?! (We don’t.) Anyway, this dude had three carries for a total of 12 yards during the 1965 Packers season. Green Bay won a championship that year and we got a player that kinda-sorta works for this list.
Snacks Harrison
Last year, veteran D-tackle Damon “Snacks” a.k.a. “Big Snacks” Harrison was a late-season acquisition by the Packers. He was only active for one game and he didn’t do fuck all, BUT HE STILL COUNTS FOR THIS LIST.
Stan Heath
Quarterback Stan Heath went to high school in Shorewood. He spent part of his college career at the University of Wisconsin. He was a first round pick (5th overall) by the Packers in 1949. He played in 12 games (staring just one) that season, which was his only year in the NFL. His last name is similar to the name of a beloved toffee-based candy bar. All of this is pretty interesting if you ask us.
DeShone Kizer
During his limited snaps with the Packers during the 2018 season, let’s just say DeShone Kizer didn’t exactly turn out to be a “roll” player in Green Bay. Yes, his last name is a little bit like the bread. You get it!
Khalil Mack just stole DeShone Kizer’s lunch money! #Bears #Packers #UBhornsUP pic.twitter.com/P90EeK3eKC
— Greg Vorse TV (@GregVorse) September 10, 2018
Rondell Mealey
Mealey spent his entire two-year career with Green Bay. Though his playing time was minimal (22 carries and nine catches), he managed to score a touchdown in 2002. More importantly in terms of this list, meals = food.
Don Perkins
Much like the fledgling Midwest-founded food franchise and the Milwaukee restaurant Charles Barkley swears by, this Perkins (Don Perkins, that is!) also has a connection to Wisconsin. The running back was born in Dodgeville, attended UW-Platteville, and was a Packers player from 1943-1945.
Allen Rice
Speaking of former Packers running backs with food names, Allen Rice is one of those! Are you seriously still reading this article? Wow.
Taco Wallace
Last but CERTAINLY not least, our trip down the Green Bay buffet line brings us to Lawrence Lasalle Wallace. Real ones probably know him better as Taco. After a solid showing at Kansas State, Taco Wallace was drafted by Seattle in the 7th round in 2003. After being buried on the Seahawks’ bench and eventually getting released, the Packers briefly partook in Taco Sunday at Lambeau Field in 2005 before releasing him that same season. He suited up for just one game with Green Bay, but unless a guy named “Burrito Bowl Jones” or something like that signs with the team, Taco Wallace will forever hold the distinction of having the best food name in Packers history.
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