A long time ago (last week) at a dairy company far, far away (Minnesota)…

It is a period of monetization. Ad agencies, emailing from their Chicago headquarters, have won their first victory against the jaded entertainment publication co-editor. During the email exchange, hired agency executives managed to gain entry to the publication’s ultimate weapon, the EDITORIAL SCHEDULE, a private document with enough article ideas to entertain an entire mid-sized metropolitan region.

Okay, you get the point. Basically, we were reached out to recently with the exciting (or odd? or oddly exciting?) news that Kemps had joined…forces with Lucasfilm to release Blue Milk to the general public for a limited time. For those not in the know, the blue beverage first appeared in Star Wars: A New Hope and, once canonized in the film franchise’s universe, the azure-tinted dairy drink was served to lactose tolerant tourists at Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge in Disney parks. It was a polarizing park offering for a few years, some news outlets covered it, then life went on as it’s known to do.

However, with another May The Fourth on the horizon, the Midwestern dairy mainstay decided now was the time to get in on the Blue Milk madness. “Why now and why at all?” we said initially, quickly banishing the correspondence to our trash. After all, it had nothing to do with Milwaukee (or Wisconsin) in any way and, though we’ve seen most of the films, we’re far from Star Wars experts.

Then we got to thinking: “Blue Milk, huh? What would that even taste like? Blue Milk!” Following a quick drive to the nearest Pick ‘n Save, we had a half gallon of the limited edition liquid in our possession. We put our 2010 Scion into hyperdrive and traveled a couple two-tree parsecs from Bay View to our office in Walker’s Point to try this slightly unconventional promotional milk.

First we took a look at the nutrition facts of the vanilla-flavored milk product. The 23 grams of sugar in an 8-ounce serving was surprisingly high. For the sake of comparison, a 12-ounce can of regular Coke has 39 grams of sugar. The same amount of Blue Milk would have 34.5 grams of sugar. The calories and fat content of Blue Milk were also far higher than a full-strength Coke. [Insert “these aren’t the nutrition facts you’re looking for!” reference here.]

With that now known, we poured a tall glass and took note of the pleasant light blue color. Perhaps it has something to do with us recently writing about our affinity for Blue Moon ice cream, but the blue hue didn’t really bother us. When it came time to sip the otherworldly moo juice, we also weren’t put off in any way. In fact, it was pretty darn good!

We’d liken it to a thinner, less rich and sugary, and slightly watered down vanilla milk shake that just happened to be blue for some reason. We’d have it again. Hell, we did have it again. Three days later, it’s basically gone. Parents can do what they want, of course, but this should probably be viewed more as a treat than a milk alternative for youngsters.

Before finalizing our rating, we also decided to see how the sweet and creamy beverage would manage when mixed with coffee. We poured a few ounces into a mug ‘o java and…

It turned the coffee GREEN. It accomplished its task in terms of taste, but that shade of green was tough to get past. It’s almost Yoda-like in color, right? Anyway, you’ve been warned. This is NOT the way.

Star Wars™ Kemps® Blue Milk: 3 out of 4 quarter portions. Yes, out of a possible four quarter portions of Star Wars™ Kemps® Blue Milk that we could possibly give to Unkar Plutt, we’d give him three quarter portions, which is pretty good if you ask us!

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About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Before co-founding Milwaukee Record, Tyler Maas wrote for virtually every Milwaukee publication (except Wassup! Magazine). He lives in Bay View and enjoys both stuff and things.