As the pandemic rolls on and on, it becomes ever more challenging to feel sexy and to keep romantic relationships alive when you and your partner(s) aren’t living together. Given that we’re now in the throes of a third wave of COVID-19 infections, it’s not likely that the situation will change soon. To keep that spark alive, lots of folks have been taking and sharing more sexy selfies than ever. These pics are also a great tool for personal empowerment. You can learn all your best looks and angles, and never show the pictures to another person. Unfortunately, this is not a skill I’ve ever mastered. Fortunately, I have a large pool of sexy-as-hell friends who have! I reached out and asked folks’ favorite sexy selfie tricks and tips, and the responses were great.

A lot of the advice came in short reminders that these selfies are an opportunity to connect with a partner across the miles. One person said that no matter what, try to be happy when you’re taking the picture because “happiness is sexy.” Another person said that “sexy is in the eyes,” which is just so true! And a third person said: “Point the camera at myself. Give a sassy look. Share the photo!”

In addition to those tips, I received several ideas on making the photo aesthetically pleasing, too. In the last decade, the front-facing camera has become synonymous with the selfie. We’ve become accustomed to seeing ourselves and making adjustments before clicking the button. However, the most common suggestion was to skip the front-facing camera as they tend to be lower res and they require some degree of fiddling around to click the shutter. Instead, prop your phone on something stable and use the timer to take the photo. This allows you to get yourself into positions that just aren’t possible when you’re holding the phone.

If you really want to use the front-facing camera so you can see the pic before you snap it, consider getting a selfie-stick. They’ll make it easier to capture those hard-to-reach body parts. Another great idea for either the front or the back camera is to shoot your selfie session as a video and then screen cap the images you like best.

Before you start taking pictures, look around the room. “Remember that you can always crop later, but try to keep your background ‘clean’ in the visual sense of ‘uncluttered.’ You should be the unchallenged star of the photo!” Find a space with very few things in the background, or clear out a corner of a room to be your backdrop. If you’re shooting on your bed, you can use a solid colored sheet on top of your regular sheets or bedspread.

Consider the lighting as you’re setting up. Try lighting the scene from the side to create drama. “Erotic is about making a suggestion and leaving room for interpretation, so use dramatic lighting and shadows to suggest…” and let the viewer fill in the rest.

Another selfie-lover allows themselves the time to really consider how the shot is going to look. “Angles are key—I spend a long time when I’m about to take a selfie in a new place standing where I want and figuring out the angle for lighting and the best way to get the light to accentuate what I want!”

Using natural light or something that mimics it was a common suggestion as well. “Those ring lights are pretty legit. If you don’t have that I recommend daylight.” This was echoed by the person who said: “I tend to use natural light, but sometimes it’s too harsh so I buy something light to drape over the window, to just soften the edges of the light a little bit. Right now I have a rainbow scarf that’s pretty see through draped over my window for when I take selfies.”

Take lots of practice pictures of yourself so you can learn how to make your favorite expressions easily. “I also figured out really early on which facial expressions I like the most, and so I generally pose with the expression I want, and then will legitimately turn in slow circles taking photos so I can get the best lighting angle. Over the years, this process has gone from twenty minutes to about three or four.”

As you’re getting ready to snap that selfie, consider what you’re wearing. Lacy underthings, package-enhancing briefs, torn up jeans, t-shirts worn thin with age—any of these can be highly erotic. The important thing is to pick something that makes you feel good. One person said: “Partially clothed is often (very often) hotter than full nudity.” Think about what you’re showing, what you’re not showing, and how to make the most of both of those things. “Holding the camera up rather than right at your face is also great. And if you have breasts, it also enhances cleavage!” For those of us with less than perfect vision, “anticipate ‘glasses glare’ and either adjust camera/head angle or plan to ditch glasses.”

However you decide to do it, remember to put a lot of your own personality into the pics. Whether you plan to share them with a friend, a lover, a partner or no one, they should make you feel good anytime you look at them.


Safety considerations:

• If your phone automatically stores photos on a cloud, make sure you’ve got a secure password on there before you start clicking.

• Also remember that the internet really is forever. Even if you delete something you’ve posted, it exists out there somewhere. If you’re not comfortable with that, don’t share your pictures on any social media platform. You can send your pictures to known contacts via an encrypted texting app like Signal, Silence or Telegram.

• It is illegal to possess nude or suggestive photos or videos of anyone under 18 years old, even if both parties are under 18. These photos and videos are considered child pornography by law. If your mobile device or computer contains nude or suggestive photos or videos of anyone under 18, you can be prosecuted.


Curious about cunnilingus? Anxious about anal? Do you have questions about queefs or problems with your prostate? Lucky Tomaszek is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee’s only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Send her an email at mkesex@gmail.com and she’ll get back to you with an answer.

About The Author

Contributor

Lucky Tomaszek, LM, CPM, is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee's only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Most mornings you can find her balancing her cat and her keyboard in her lap, working to make the world a smarter, safer place for people of all genders and orientations.

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