Thursday’s regular season opener between the Green Bay Packers and Seattle Seahawks marks the true beginning of the NFL season. As exciting as the return of football makes millions of people, a significant portion of those people are equally—if not more—excited about the beginning of another season: the fantasy football season.

Some Green Bay faithful are able to meld both their love for the team, and their own assemblage of statistic-producers that represent the performance of actual players by drafting real life Packers to be part of their fake team. Sometimes it makes total sense. Other times, a fan’s heart proves detrimental to his or her roster. Before either season starts, Milwaukee Record examines possible Packers fantasy contributors and determines what having each on your roster says about you.

Aaron Rodgers
Even after a significantly injury-shortened season last year, Rodgers is still easily a top three fantasy quarterback. That said, if you took the franchise with one of the top three overall picks, you probably have a framed Packers stock certificate and wear a cheesehead self-bedazzled with the term “Owner” in public. If you nabbed him in late first or early second round, your team is off to a solid start.

Matt Flynn
You’re a blatant homer who harbors doubts about Rodgers’ longevity after the captain missed seven games to injury last season…or your league goes through Week 17.

Scott Tolzien
Much like the Packers higher-ups, you were afraid somebody else would get him, so you used a valuable roster spot on someone you hope you’ll never need to start. Also, Saturday’s Badgers opener made you unnaturally angry.

Eddie Lacy
You had a pretty high pick in the first round and took Lacy over Rodgers, or settled for the second year back after somebody prematurely snatched Rodgers before you could.

James Starks
Three possibilities here. 1. You also have Lacy on your team and wanted a handcuff in case the former gets injured. 2. You saw Lacy’s punishing running style last season and are pretty sure he will get injured. 3. You’re using a fantasy magazine from 2012.

Dujuan Harris
After missing all of last season, Harris is back. Before his injury, the reserve tailback was purportedly going to be regularly relied upon to be a change of pace to the crushing running styles of the two guys above him on the depth chart. You probably either see Harris’ upside or the draft was wrapping up and you realized you didn’t have any Packers on your team. We’re with you on both accounts.

John Kuhn
Your league scoring is set up to award points for moxie, scrap iron, gumption, amount a player looks like you, and a myriad of other meaningless intangibles that warrant having a player on your roster who averaged under one point a game last year and is currently owned in 0.1 percent of leagues.

Jordy Nelson
You played it safe by drafting a dependable (when healthy) wideout whose consistently great performance was just rewarded with a big contract. Like all fans, you’re hoping he’s going to earn it. Maybe you weren’t able to draft Randall Cobb.

Randall Cobb
You played it safe by drafting a dependable (when healthy) wideout whose consistently great performance should be rewarded with a big contract. Like all fans, you’re hoping he’s going to earn it. Maybe you weren’t able to draft Jordy Nelson.

Jarrett Boykin
You used to have James Jones on your team and wanted him again, but not, like, Oakland Raiders employee James Jones. No thanks! This was a step closer to getting the Packers possession receiver you know and love, without all the uncertainty of needing to rely upon Derek Carr to get him the ball.

Davante Adams
You didn’t watch much of the preseason.

You forgot to draft a tight end until the end of the draft.

You’re a member of the Packers defense or special teams. You have bigger concerns than your fantasy team right now.

Mason Crosby
After a dreadful 2012 campaign, Crosby took a pay cut prior to last season, and was forced to prove himself a worthy part of his longtime team. In the same spirit, he also had to earn his spot on thousands of fake teams run by less patient owners. If you mirrored Green Bay’s belief in Crosby (or, like most, picked him up off waivers mid-season), you scored a kicker just on the outside of the top five in most leagues. So there’s no harm in drafting Crosby with the hope he’s the 2013 model, and not the lemon that was trotted out in 2012. As much as we don’t want to be Crosby sweaters, you’re braver than we are for taking him.

What kind of fucked up fantasy league do you play in, weirdo?!

About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Before co-founding Milwaukee Record, Tyler Maas wrote for virtually every Milwaukee publication (except Wassup! Magazine). He lives in Bay View and enjoys both stuff and things.