Spring must really be in the air, because you fine folks are all busting at the seems to learn new things about kink! I’ve had so many random questions this month. I decided it was time for another round of quickies! Ten questions answered in 25 words or less. If you want more information about any of these topics, check out the BDSM book selection at the Tool Shed. We regularly host classes on kinky topics, too, so you can learn how to play safely.
Q: Is there a difference between a fetish and a kink?
A: A fetish is something you require for sexual satisfaction. A kink is enjoying something beyond the mainstream. Is it a need? Or is it a want?
Q: What is graphoerotica?
A: A kink for writing on the skin. It can be used to humiliate (“I’m a whore”), uplift (“I love you”), claim ownership (“My pet”), etc.
Q: I’m dating a guy who says he’s a bootblack. What’s that?
A: In BDSM, a bootblack acts out subservience through caring for their dominant’s leather goods, usually shoes or boots, often while the dominant wears them.
Q: What is edge play?
A: Edge play is any kink activity that inherently carries more physical or emotional risk. Edge play requires advanced education, unambiguous negotiation, and earned trust.
Q: I’ve heard of “watersports” and I know what it means. But do people really pee on each other?
A: Yes, people really pee on each other. This is another type of edge play because pee is body fluid.
Q: How does a kinky person meet other kinky people?
A: Check out local events at the kinky online community, fetlife.com (but don’t try to use it as a dating site—it’s not for that!).
Q: I like it when my girlfriend spanks me on the ass while she’s fucking me. Does that make me kinky?
A: What do you like about it? The pain? The unpredictability? The power dynamic? The smacking sound? If you answered yes, you’re at least kinky-lite.
Q: What’s up with furries anyway?
A: It’s not about sex. Okay, sometimes it’s about sex, but mostly not. People develop a fursona (animal personality) and then dress to match. NBD.
Q: Is there a technical term for getting turned on by tickling?
A: Titillagnia is arousal from tickling someone else, knismolagnia is arousal from being tickled. Pteronphilia is arousal from being tickled with bird feathers (very specific kink!).
Q: I want my play partner to choke me during our next scene, but they say they don’t want to damage me. Got any tips on safe choking?
A: There’s no safe way to choke. No, seriously.
Curious about cunnilingus? Anxious about anal? Do you have questions about queefs or problems with your prostate? Lucky Tomaszek is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee’s only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Send her an email at [email protected] and she’ll get back to you with an answer.