We’re legitimately excited about the start of the Jordan Love era. It’s his time to be the leader of the Green Bay Packers, and we’re thrilled about that. Forget about the “Super Bowl or bust/oops bust again” pressure of the last several seasons. If the Packers don’t take home the Lombardi Trophy in Jordan Love’s first season as a starter, who cares? He could still lead the Packers to two titles in 15 years and surpass the ring count of the franchise’s two previous longtime QBs.
That pair would be none other than Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre. A Jet for four months, Rodgers has already taken pay cuts to free cap space and played preseason snaps, things he was unwilling to do as a Packer, but hey, he’s looking like a swell guy in comparison to Favre. We’d like to call out the reprehensible charges against the Gunslinger in Mississippi, but we’d have to include the words “allegedly times infinity” every couple lines or else we’d get sued.
So, for now anyway, forget about 12 and 4. Live in the now and feel the Love. Like, how freaking endearing is his last name? “Love” has got to be the most endearing name in football history. It could only be outdone if someday a player is drafted whose last name is “Puppies” or something.
It gets better. The Love puns are seemingly endless. Jordan Love is going to give weirdo pun fans a lot of material. We don’t have to settle for that weak-ass Aaron Rodgers/Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood bullshit anymore. It’s time to step it up a notch! Our quarterback’s number is 10 because his play-on-words game is a 10 out of 10.
Of all the connections to Love, the strongest one just might be love songs. Love’s pun power is a big time flex. In no time, we were able to put this playlist together. Green Bay’s new QB gives us so many choices of songs that we had to break it down to specific situations. For instance, if he plays at a level far above average, then you gotta bust out “No Ordinary Love” by Sade.
If you’d like to imagine dozens more scenarios, check out our playlist of Jordan Love Songs:
When he throws for 400+ yards, that’s a “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zeppelin.
Anytime he throws for two touchdowns, someone in a cheesehead can shout: “Love Me Two Times” by The Doors.
If you’re literally just trying to describe him: “That’s the Way Love Is” by Marvin Gaye.
If the Packers play the Eagles and the focus is on the quarterbacks, that’s “Love Hurts” by Nazareth.
If he wants to check out section 730S at Lambeau Field without taking the stairs, that’s “Love in an Elevator” by Aerosmith.
If he makes a brilliant pre-snap read to foresee the blitzer, rolls out to avoid him and buy time, locks eyes with Romeo Doubs crossing over the middle, but psych, he only did that to trick the deep safety to pounce on the route, thus leaving Christian Watson open deep to beat his one-on-one matchup for a 62-yard touchdown strike, that’s the “Genius of Love” by Tom Tom Club.
Anytime the man travels to another city for an away game, that’s “Uh-Oh, Love Comes to Town” by Talking Heads.
We really don’t want it to go down this way, but shit happens sometimes. So if an injury knocks him out of the game and we want to cry, we’re quoting “Bye Bye Love” by The Cars.
If his leadership unifies the team: “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain and Tennille.
If he keeps fighting through pain and adversity throughout a hard-fought game, and it’s written all over the man, then play “Love Is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar.
What he does during training camp, as a caveman would say it: “Love Train” by The O’Jays.
If it’s 4th and short and Matt LaFleur wants to punt, but Love waves the punting team off the field to force the offense to go for the first down on a QB sneak, that’s “Bold as Love” by Jimi Hendrix.
If we somehow forget that a Super Bowl winning team needs to be strong on offense, defense, and special teams, and we completely overlook the importance of every non-quarterback starter, and we forget that football is the ultimate team sport with a roster of 53 players because Love has a great game…and because it’s also just the dumbest, most obvious play on words, okay fine, we’ll say “All You Need Is Love” by The Beatles.
If an occasional Milwaukee Record contributor offers him 50 bucks to hang out, sip a few Spotted Cows, and play a best of three in Tecmo Super Bowl, but he’s a busy man, so he declines, that poor writer’s gonna realize a lesson that shares its name with another song by The Beatles: “Can’t Buy Me Love.”
If he passes efficiently, connects on a few touchdowns, doesn’t turn the ball over, and leads the Packers to a win–but hey, he’s only human and he’s been grinding and sweating and getting dirty on a football field for a few hours: “Love Stinks” by J. Geils Band.
Many years from now, let’s say he becomes a grandfather, but in a strange twist, his soul gets trapped in a love tester machine in a dank bar. (Cartoon fans may recall this same thing happening to Grampa Simpson in “The Simpsons Spin-off Showcase.”) As the aptly named Love Tester Love, he’d be fated to rate tavern patrons from “Casanova” all the way down to “Cold Fish,” and his theme song would be “Love-matic Grampa.” And he’ll fill our hearts with L-o-o-o-o-o-ove.”
Picture this: He finds no open receivers, runs for it, goes out of bounds, doesn’t gain a yard, but doesn’t lose a yard either. That’s “Love Minus Zero” by Bob Dylan.
Anytime a Packers fan steps up to defend him against dumb naysayers, who probably like the Bears, play “Justify My Love” by Madonna.
Let’s say he rushes for a touchdown, then totally commits to doing The Robot. And yeah, it’s funny at first, but then he keeps doing it for five whole minutes, leaving fans in the crowd and at home in a state of bewilderment: “Strangelove” Depeche Mode.
If a 250-pound linebacker meets him full speed at the goal line, but our favorite franchise’s QB lowers the boom and trucks past the dude, and slams into the end zone. That’s “The Power of Love,” Huey Lewis & The News fans.
If he becomes so popular that A&E Biography soon does an episode on him, which opens the door for the opening theme song “Love Story” by Taylor Swift.
We could go on. You might even be able to go on better than us with this awesome “Love Song” pun stuff. Bottom line: We hope you believe in Love as much as we do. It’s a love story. Baby, just say yes.