It’s been two long years since Milwaukeeans banded together to sign a meaningless petition to remove DJ Paris Hilton from the 2015 Summerfest lineup. (The show ended up being okay!) Now, in a similar act of frivolous but mildly entertaining online activism, there’s a petition to remove the stage benches at Summerfest. What’s next, replacing pre-recorded music with non-recorded music?

In the petition, Milwaukee native Tyler Brown implores the city (and by proxy, Summerfest) to ditch the metal benches that litter the Big Gig’s many stages, citing their “inefficiency” and the fact that everyone stands on the damn things when the headliner comes on:

“Every year those things cause a plethora of problems. First, conflicts over bench spots cause fights, I’ve seen it. That’s not how music festivals should be. Second, those standing on the benches impact the view of other festival goers. Its so bad that, if you didn’t show up at least four hours before an act you’d like to see, congratulations, you get to stare at people’s butts all night instead of your favorite artist’s stage production. And finally, safety. I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen a person try to dance in their tiny little bench space only to trip, fall, and usually end up with a head or neck injury and have to be rescued by medical staff.

“These benches only get in the way of everyone’s enjoyment. They’re extremely inefficient when it comes to saving space, cause conflict and disappointment, and are about the most unsafe things to drunk people, since cars were invented.”

As of Wednesday afternoon, more than 200 people have hopped aboard the petition, signaling their similar frustration with the stage benches, as well as their ability to enter an email address and mash “Sign.” No word yet from Summerfest, the benches themselves, or from your mom and her group of friends who love to dance and get crazy on those things at three in the afternoon.

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Co-Founder and Editor

Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.