Our fat-free, dolphin-safe Milwaukee events calendar is chock-full of things to do, but only a handful of events are worthy of the lofty honor of “Record Recommended” (patent pending). Here are our recommendations for February 13-19, 2023.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 13

CANDY + Fleshwater, Division Of Mind @ Cactus Club
Things will get heavy at the Cactus Club Monday night when pummeling Richmond, Virginia hardcore-industrial outfit CANDY headlines a bill with not-quite-as-heavy-but-still-heavy out-of-towners Fleshwater and Division Of Mind. CANDY’s latest release is 2022’s Heaven Is Here. Sample song titles: “Transcend To Wet,” “World Of Shit.”

Filthy As Fuck: Valentine’s Day Eve Trivia @ Company Brewing
Gear up for Valentine’s Day with “Filthy As Fuck” Trivia at Company Brewing on V-Day Eve. Prepare for some “raunchy ass questions” that are really, really hard.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14

Lonely Hearts Honky Tonk @ Circle-A Cafe
“Cry in public to sad country music.” Need we say more? This stacked sad-sack Circle-A show will feature a solo set from Milwaukee favorite Long Mama, as well as performances from Dandy L. Freling, Treccy MT, Eliza J. Hanson, Cleo Makail, and DJ TwangCrazy.

Box Of Chocolates Flight Night @ Indeed Brewing Company
Instead of getting that special someone a boring old box of chocolates, bring them to Indeed Brewing Company to try the Walker’s Point taproom’s boozy take on Valentine’s Day treats. “Box Of Chocolates Flight Night” will feature four candy-themed riffs of beers from Indeed’s existing arsenal. This event will double as the release of the brewery’s lovely Coconut Macaroon Cream Ale.

Valentine’s Day Celebration @ Lakefront Brewery
Getting married for the first, second, or third time? Tired of getting married at churches, courthouses, or tastefully restored barns? Then why not get married at Milwaukee’s famous Lakefront Brewery! On Valentine’s Day! Yes, Lakefront is offering “lovely, quaint, yet professional [ceremonies] for those interested in tying the knot.” A “practiced, ordained tour guide” will handle the officiant duties, and couples can have beers in hand when they say “I do.”

Mr. Nice Guy Presents Vol. 12: Emily Zimmer + Midnight Hound, Chris Haise Band, Soulfoot Mombits

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 15

Deviled Egg Competition @ Bremen Cafe
God bless Milwaukee—and god bless Bremen Cafe—for having a Deviled Egg Competition on a random Wednesday night in February. Wanna enter this incredible competition? Just make 24 deviled eggs, cut ’em in half for 48 servings, and show up at 8:30 p.m. (Bring your own tray and serving utensil.) Wanna enjoy the spoils of this incredible competition? Arrive at 9 p.m. and “come party and eat eggs”! Also: “Don’t be a dick and eat a ton. Lots of us wanna have a bite, so be sparing.” Also also: “Tip your bartenders and egg bosses,” and “fart outside.”

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 16

Scott Seiss @ Milwaukee Improv
If you’ve spent any time on the internet over the past six-plus months, there’s a good chance you’ve seen some of Scott Seiss’ “Angry Retail Guy” videos. Beyond starring in the viral sketches, Seiss is also a stand-up comedian and actor (who you’ll see in the upcoming film Cocaine Bear). Tonight, you can see him do his thing at the Milwaukee Improv in nearby Brookfield.

Amy LaVere & Will Sexton + Joseph Huber, Derek Pritzl @ The Cooperage

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 17

Flat Out Friday @ Fiserv Forum and Mama Tried @ The Rave / Eagles Ballroom (through February 19)
If you’re somehow unfamiliar, Flat Out Friday features motorcycle racers riding on top of a track that’s slathered in Dr. Pepper syrup. It’s awesome! This annual event is just one part of the Mama Tried festivities that are slated to happen at various local spots this weekend. The Mama Tried Motorcycle Show itself will take place at The Rave February 18-19.

Flat Out Friday Official Afterparty @ Boone & Crockett
“The only official afterparty of Mama Tried’s Flat Out Friday. Come get your booze, food, and party going over at Boone & Crockett immediately following the races. DJ Mighty Thor on the tunes and the Boone Gang on the slangs. All night long. FREE.”

All Messed Up XI: Night 1 @ Linneman’s Riverwest Inn
All hail the return of Milwaukee’s “annual randomized musical experiment,” All Messed Up! The two-night extravaganza will feature a total of 14 new bands that were created via random drawing back in December. Friday night showcases the musical stylings of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Doves, Stallis In Chains, Hippopotamus Oath, and more.

The Galentine Show @ ComedySportz
A few days after the holiday itself, ComedySportz will host a benefit show for The Benedict Center that will find “Milwaukee’s best gal pals” performing Valentine’s Day-themed improv. There will also be music by Dora Diamond. Come have some laughs and help a worthy local organization! And if you’d like to go the extra mile, show organizers will be collecting personal hygiene products for the Benedict Center, so feel free to bring any of the following: travel size hygiene kits, feminine protection items, hair brushes, body wash, dental hygiene items, body lotion, and socks.

Big Laugh (record release) + Hotline TNT, Direct Threat, World I Hate, Innuendo @ Cactus Club

In Retrospect: The Life & Times Of Kendrick Lamar @ Company Brewing

Adam Greuel & The Space Burritos + Driveway Thriftdwellers @ The Back Room @ Colectivo

Friday Night Freak Show: Harold And Maude @ Times Cinema

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 18

Trampled By Turtles + Pert Near Sandstone @ The Pabst Theater
Longtime Duluth band—and longtime Milwaukee favorite—Trampled By Turtles returns to the Pabst Theater for a night of soul-warming bluegrass. The Turtles’ latest record, the Jeff Tweedy-produced Alpenglow, was released in late 2022. They’ll be joined by Twin Cities bluegrass outfit Pert Near Sandstone.

All Messed Up XI: Night 2 @ Linneman’s Riverwest Inn
All hail the return of Milwaukee’s “annual randomized musical experiment,” All Messed Up! The two-night extravaganza will feature a total of 14 brand new bands that were created via random drawing back in December. Saturday night showcases the musical stylings of Black Market Build-A-Bear, Thee Shit Fucks, Trash Pandas In Pajamas With Bananas, and more.

The 5 Card Studs @ Anodyne Walker’s Point Roastery
Want more post-Valentine’s Day fun? Leave that to The 5 Card Studs, Milwaukee’s premier “Las Vegas-styled revue” act. Hear the Studs’ take on golden AM radio favorites and other hits that span the decades at Anodyne’s Walker’s Point Roastery during this “Post-Valentine’s Day Love-Fest.”

Alkaline Quartet + Mertles Acres @ Promises

Joe Bonamassa @ The Riverside Theater

The Mighty Deerlick + Beach Patrol @ Circle-A Cafe

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 19

Maggie Rogers + Del Water Gap @ The Riverside Theater
It’s Sunday night, so it’s time to catch Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter Maggie Rogers at The Riverside Theater. Rogers’ “Feral Joy” tour will find the artist drawing from her 2019 debut Heard It In A Past Life, as well as the new Surrender. “Raw and revelatory, Surrender finds the acclaimed producer/songwriter/performer examining the most complex emotions with fierce, unflinching vulnerability and alchemizing that heightened feeling into her most joyful output yet.”

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