From August 1-11, the Wisconsin State Fair is once again offering up oodles of entertainment, oodles of animals, oodles of questionable T-shirts, rides for folks of all ages, and much more. Oh, and food! In addition to the State Fair’s annual food-stand staples, this year’s fairground festivities feature eight intriguing indulgences and four baffling beverages that were named 2024 Sporkies and Drinkies finalists. We wasted little time heading to West Allis with empty stomachs and open minds to try the 12 total finalists during the State Fair’s opening day…

SPORKIES

Cool Ranch Doritos Pickle — Deep-Fried Mashed Potatoes On-a-Stick

Before we begin with this delightful treat, hats off to food stand Deep-Fried Mashed Potatoes On-a-Stick (yes, that’s the name of the entire stand) for reaching for the top shelf and going with Cool Ranch for its Cool Ranch Doritos Pickle. Can you imagine a spiral-cut dill pickle speared down the middle lengthwise and sprinkled in Nacho Cheese Doritos? This ain’t the Stone Age, folks. Anyway, even though the frying process burns away a lot of that cool, cool, Cool Ranch flavor, and even though the thing is surprisingly difficult to eat (it’s a single, spiral-cut pickle; individual pickle bites may have been easier to wrangle), this $11 creation is a tasty winner. Pairs well with ranch dressing (included) or a Mountain Dew and a Halo LAN party from 2002 (not included).

Deep-Fried Lemonade Bites — Saz’s BBQ

This year’s Sporkies champions, the Deep-Fried Lemonade Bites, are deft and delicious mixtures of every meal of the day: breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even dessert. For a mere $8, Saz’s BBQ will hand you a cardboard container stuffed with two (2) deep-fired Hawaiian sweet rolls dipped in a French toast batter, injected with lemonade curd filling, sprinkled with lemon sugar, and drizzled with icing. The rolls are soft and doughy, the filling is sweet and gooey, and the French toast batter takes everything to another level. Each bite is roughly the size of a mini-Rubik’s Cube, though you won’t need to twist your hands and brain into knots to unlock the goodness within these beauties.

Dirty Chai Cinnamon Roll Lumpia — Lumpia City

Lumpia City’s 2024 Sporkies entrant is an uncharacteristically sweet take on Lumpia (which is essentially a Filipino riff on an egg roll). A scant $10 gets you four respectably sized pieces. The outside is crispy, the inside is buttery and doughy (as a nod to the cinnamon roll portion of its name), and the cream cheese espresso frosting adds a nice depth of flavor that ties the disparate themes together to create something that has the makings of a light—at least by State Fair standards—dessert or a shareable treat we’d definitely order again.

Elote Corn Ribs — Tropics

Regular Sporkies competitor Tropics have cooked up yet another inventive food for this year’s Fair festivities. This time around, they’ve echoed last year’s “Coastal Corn Nuggets” with another corn-centric creation. Don’t let the name fool you: Elote Corn Ribs aren’t traditional “ribs,” but instead, consist of four corn on the cob strips that have been battered, deep-fried, and dusted with cotija cheese before being set atop a fistful of kettle chips. While not quite worthy of the $15 price tag, this vegetarian ribs rendition proved to be a nice alternative to standard corn on the cob. The creamy southwest dipping sauce also helped make up for any minor deficiencies.

Elvis Nachos — Slim McGinn’s Irish Pub

Lord Almighty we felt our temperature rising when we discovered these Elvis Nachos from Slim McGinn’s Irish Pub aren’t really nachos at all. No, these are Slim’s “famous deep-fried potato chips” covered in gooey peanut butter banana sauce and topped with peanuts, banana chips, and crumbled bacon. Would slathered tortilla chips be better? Maybe? Probably? Who knows. All we know for sure is that, for us, these sweet-and-salty $10.50 shareable chips are more Vegas Elvis than Sun Studio Elvis. Put another way: [spoken word] Honey, you lied when you said you were nachos / And I had no cause to doubt you…

Hot Ham and Glazers — Bud Pavilion

Oh my God. They finally, really did it. You maniacs! You took the time-honored Wisconsin tradition of “hot ham and rolls” and twisted it into “hot ham and Swiss cheese between two Kwik Trip™ Glazers donuts”! And tossed in some raspberry jam for good measure! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell! (Okay, this $12.50 Bud Pavilion creation isn’t bad, but it’s sticky and kind of pale-looking. Something about it just seems…wrong. Hot ham? Yes! Kwik Trip™ Glazers? Yes! Hot Ham and Glazers? Um, maybe not. But, hell, it placed second this year, so maybe it’s just us.)

Loaded Baked Potato Churro — WürstBar

Truly one of the more unique Sporkies items in recent memory, WürstBar’s Loaded Baked Potato Churro ($11) somehow manages to replicate a loaded baked potato with all the fixin’s—chives, hunks of bacon, and cheddar cheese—in the form factor of a friggin’ churro. It’s kind of remarkable that it even exists. More impressive than that is the fact that it’s pretty darn good. Yes, this deep-fried and reformed spud infused with bacon and cheese is a mite saltier and greasier than a normal baked potato. And sure, regular sour cream would complement it better than the thin “sour cream and onion” dipping sauce that currently accompanies it, but those minor dings shouldn’t dissuade you from trying it.

Rise & Swine — Camp Bar

The Rise & Swine ($14) has a lot going for it. The fluffy waffle that’s topped with a heaping mound of creamy vanilla custard, Wisconsin maple syrup, caramel, cinnamon cereal pieces, and powered sugar is downright delicious and deserving of the third place ribbon Camp Bar received for this decadent dish. However, you might notice we left one component out of our praising prose…and that one ingredient just so happens to be the basis of the “swine” in the dessert’s name. To be honest, the two breakfast sausages have absolutely no place here. They were served lukewarm and as a toothpick garnish (requiring us to break off pieces by hand to combine into the rest of the dish). Most importantly, the super salty and spiced breakfast links clashed with, well, everything else. We took two bites with sausage in them before setting the “swine” aside to enjoy the “rise” elements on their own. Perhaps candied bacon or crumbled honey ham would’ve been a better choice to bridge the sweet and savory. Or, you know, maybe just leave pork out of it altogether.

DRINKIES

Fairway Fusion — Old Fashioned Sipper Club

This year’s Drinkies champion is the Fairway Fusion, a beverage that was crafted by the folks at Old Fashioned Sipper Club. That honor seems deserved, as the award-winning drink—which can be had in its normal format for $12, and with Rehorst Vodka added for an additional $2 (which we did)—packs a great deal of depth into a 16-ounce plastic cup. The tea leads the charge, quickly followed by noticeable hints of fresh mint, lime juice, and a slight coconut-y character that we can confidently claim is the best cocktail we’ve ever consumed at the fair. It’s refreshing, it’s tasty, and it packed a punch. When you’re growing tired of tap beer and hard seltzers during this year’s State Fair trip(s), consider treating yourself to a Fairway Fusion.

Glazed Donut Coffee Float — Fluffy’s Hand Cut Donuts

Head over to that colorful gauntlet of food stands where you can get fried ostrich legs and grilled alligator tails or whatever, and you’ll find something a little less perplexing: a Glazed Donut Coffee Float, available from the Fluffy’s Hand Cut Donuts stand. Now this is a State Fair drink! You’ve got glazed donut-infused iced coffee, vanilla ice cream, a donut crumble rim, and a speared donut hole garnish. More donuts! Yeah, $12 is a bit steep (have you heard about the price of things these days?), but this caffeinated concoction is a great way to start your day at the Fair. Located near the Expo Center, just in case you want to get all wired up and buy a new hot tub.

Purple Pickle Lemonade — Tropics

Here in the year 2024, can we all just agree that putting pickles into stuff you wouldn’t initially imagine pickles being in is no longer edgy? Pickles rule and, if past Sporkies posts have taught us nothing else, pickles are more versatile and they play far better with other foods that most people think. With all that out there, it’s no surprise the Purple Pickle Lemonade that Tropics is serving up this year is good. It’s lemonade-forward, but the pickle juice also makes its presence known. Together (and with no discernible flavor contributed by the purple-hued Butterfly Pea Flower syrup), it’s refreshing, hydrating, and offers the best of both worlds in a decidedly not-at-all-shocking way. Really, the only shock came when we were charged $10 for it.

Tropical Sunset — Deep-Fried Mashed Potatoes On-a-Stick

And so the sun sets on another incredible day at the Wisconsin State Fair. You’ve eaten enough food for a family of six. You’ve shuffled through the various barns and admired the livestock. You’ve heard at least three different cover bands doing “If You Could Only See” by Tonic. What is there possibly left to do? Pick up a 20 oz. Tropical Sunset at the Deep-Fried Mashed Potatoes On-a-Stick stand, stab one of those big-ass bubble tea straws through the top of the thing, and enjoy, of course. This drink features jasmine green tea infused with strawberry, mango, and pineapple juice—oh, and there’s “100% edible, FDA-approved glitter” in it, too. Fun! It’s an optical illusion in a cup, a drinkable Instagrammable moment, a delicious TONIC to all those questionable T-shirts, and one of our favorite State Fair drinks in recent years. If you could only see the way we love the State Fair / Then maybe you would understand…