Thousands of people dying terrible, isolated deaths each and every day as millions of selfish and/or brainwashed Americans blatantly and repeatedly show they simply do not care about others. The probable end of a mask mandate that will certainly result in thousands more totally avoidable casualties in Wisconsin (and likely cause Wisconsinites in dire need of assistance to lose $49 million in food benefits in the process). A coup attempt that, weeks later, has still gone largely unpunished. An economic landslide that is taking more families and businesses down with it each day as the state, country, and world all grow more divided—perhaps irreparably so.

Did you ever think things could get and remain this bad? I certainly did not. I know things have, in many ways, always been unjust and downright terrible for so many. I want to believe there is still good in the world. I derive momentary joy in seeing friends and strangers showing they’ve received the COVID-19 vaccine. I hope most of this severed nation will get the vaccine in the next few months and that we might all approach something resembling “normalcy” with a newfound appreciation, though I’m preparing my battered and beleaguered spirit for the likelihood that—due to a mixture of governmental inefficiency and uniquely American individualism—it will not happen. I’ve learned to function and somehow sustain the endless waves of disappointment during a period of time I never could have imagined.

Along the way, I’ve experienced periods of legitimate happiness and what currently passes as comfort. In early 2021 terms, I’m lucky. But some times are harder than others. Today is one of those days for me; a day I wish could dial down my awareness and switch off my capacity to care in the same way so many seem so astoundingly able to do. I hope you’re having an okay day. Before I sign offline for as long as possible today to, like, do my taxes or something so that I can delay my exposure to more pain and disappointment from what is sure to be a tough news day on top of months and months of tough news days, I figured I’d give you something offbeat to read between pangs of awfulness.

Did you know the Rocky Rococo website has a section that features the “family tree” of the fictional Rococo family? Now you do. Anyway, on that same page, there are poster designs for pizza-focused and dangerously “cheesy” fake movies that have none other than Rocky Rococo cast in the leading role. Why? The site explains:

“Aside from his extraordinary pizza-making skills, Rocky Rococo has also enjoyed an illustrious acting career.”

Good enough for me. In addition to the six or seven designs on the Rocky Rococo website, I also found a few more posters or movie-themed promotions on the Wisconsin pizza chain’s Facebook page. In total, I gathered 16 designs that offer a winning blend of hilarious designs, funny puns, and tasty-looking pizza. Here are my definitive Rocky Rococo movie poster rankings. Have a great day.

16. The Great Rocky Rococo In The Wizard Of Za

15. Rocky Rococo’s Summer Vacation

14. Pirates Of The Pizzeria: Rococo Tells No Tales

13. Chicago: The Pizza Musical

12. Attack Of The Killer Tomato Sauce

11. It’s A Wonderful Slice

10. Blazing Pizzas: Rocky Rides Again

9. Rockys

8. Rocky Rococo And The Temple Of Cheese

7. The Rockfather

6. Cheesy Rider

5. Captain Rococo: Cheese Avenger

4. Meatzilla

3. Zah Wars

2. Slice Of Dreams

1. The Meatrixx

Bonus Design I Made

How hasn’t this been done yet?

About The Author

Avatar photo
Co-Founder and Editor

Before co-founding Milwaukee Record, Tyler Maas wrote for virtually every Milwaukee publication (except Wassup! Magazine). He lives in Bay View and enjoys both stuff and things.