There is just something about Wisconsin and having sex in weird places. The State Fair sex scandal (a.k.a. The WonderFair Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am) isn’t new or original, but another chapter in a long saga of Wisconsinites shagging in public. A Song of Ice And Figurae Veneris, if you will.
The long winters and hot summers combine to make the beds in our homes a wholly unappealing place to have sex and the need to copulate in strange places consumes us. Even respected, award-winning daily lifestyle magazines are in on the trend as they tell us what bathrooms are fit to bone in. To paraphrase Alexander Pope: to err is human; to butter and dash, Wisconsin.
While the State Fair Futters await possible criminal charges for trying to burn off that Bacon Bottom Pizza, we thought we’d take a look at a few other times that Milwaukee and the surrounding area gained fame for their exibeeshes out of the bedroom.
1. Reading is fundamental
The Journal Sentinel story on this one leads with the line, “Locking the door of a restroom at the public library doesn’t quite qualify as ‘getting a room,’ a Pewaukee man has learned,” so you know it’s good.
At 5 p.m. on March 2nd, 2015 (a Monday!) a woman walked into the family restroom at the Waukesha Public Library and found a couple naked “from head to toe” having sex on a toilet. The woman then complained to the library staff that this was unacceptable which, uh, yeah. Toilets are disgusting.
The couple told police that they “got excited” because they hadn’t seen each other in a few days and that the door lock must’ve malfunctioned. To be fair, that Waukesha Public Library is sexy as hell.
2. ISIS is good, damn good
A rare local sex story that didn’t lead to an arrest is this “terror”-able sex tale (pun credit: New York Post) of a nosey neighbor and a terrorist cell/Egyptian goddess-loving couple in Brown Deer.
The story goes like this: an 82-year old woman called the police on a Sunday night because she heard her neighbor yell “ISIS is good, ISIS is great!” during sex. Police didn’t respond to the call and instead recommended that she call back if she heard it again.
The Brown Deer police department: keep listening to your neighbors bone, old people.
3. Madtown mackin’
Two people were arrested in Madison’s James Madison Park for having sex in or around a car a little over a week ago. The couple garnered a large crowd who watched and recorded them on cellphones as they undressed each other. #madison #collegelife
The cops were called and the two were arrested. Police spokesman Howard Payne came out strong on this one, stating, “The sexual interactions between Pierce and Owen disturbed a number of families, as many were planning on having a good time in the park, but ended up with memories that may not soon fade away.”
This is like the dark B-side to Chicago’s “Saturday in the Park”:
Sunday night in the park
I think I am scarred for life
People banging, people screwing
A man selling ice cream
Somebody call the cops
4. Fuck yo couch
This last one feels like it should be one of those “only in Florida” stories, but nope—it’s Waukesha.
Off-duty police officer Ryan Edwards decided to spend his day off by going on a jog down University Drive when he spotted a yellow couch that seemed to be abandoned. As he got closer to the couch, he saw a man leaning over the couch who appeared to be having sexual relations with another individual.
He wasn’t.
He was having sexual relations with the couch.
The couch.
The couch.
The couch.
Details from The Smoking Gun:
As he approached the yellow couch, Edwards yelled, “What are you doing?” The suspect—later identified as [Gerard] Streator—responded by dismounting and running away. As Streator fled, Edwards “could see that the defendant’s penis was erect.” Edwards added that Streator “had been thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions.”
A word to the wise for the next time you see a free couch on the side of the road: keep driving.
Exclusive articles, podcasts, and more. Support Milwaukee Record on Patreon.
RELATED ARTICLES