Over the weekend, no doubt hot and bothered from a day of photo-finish pig races and suggestive deep-fried foodstuffs, a man and woman had sex at the Wisconsin State Fair. Not only that, but the man and woman were videotaped having sex at the Wisconsin State Fair. The video blew up on social media, authorities were alerted, authorities were dutifully outraged, and arrests were made. Still…
…the air surrounding the horse barn and the Milking Palace continued to press down on the jorts-clad fairgoers—firm, knowing, rough and insistent like the guy taking your ticket at the Tilt-A-Whirl. Why not here? the masses thought to themselves, absently fingering their chocolate-covered cricket nachos. Why not now? Somewhere in the distance—maybe near the sheep-shearing demo, maybe near Saz’s—a cover band eased into the opening bars of “Hungry Like The Wolf”…
Anyway. Monday afternoon, FOX6 returned to the scene of the crime—the bleachers in the park’s Coliseum, to be exact—and talked to a woman and her son about the incident. “I wouldn’t think you’d see something like that here. This is for families—not that!” said the woman, as her son (decked out in a sweet Steel Panther shirt) stifled a smile. “There’s a place for that. Go home.” Then, in a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan or the ghost of Allen Funt, FOX6 revealed that the woman and her son were sitting in the same bleachers that the couple had been fucking on a few days earlier. Ew.
“They switched seats right after our interview,” says FOX6 reporter Bret Lemoine in his report, noting the now-vacated seats were previously home to the sweaty contours of a man’s “bare buttocks.”
And yet…and yet…that air again. That heat. Would it really be so strange—so wrong—to surrender to such base animal instincts here, in this modern day Gomorrah of lumberjack contests and bacon-wrapped shrimp tempura on-a-stick? No. No it wouldn’t. Let’s do this, the crowds mouthed to themselves between bites of day-old cream puffs. Let’s have it out. Somewhere in the distance—maybe near the poultry barn, maybe near the big pavilion where you can buy new shingles for your garage for some reason—OnMilwaukee quietly updated its list of “100 things to do at the State Fair”…