Dear MKE SEX,

I’ll just be plain about this. My Hitachi is my bestie. Our relationship has lasted longer than any other romance in my life. I love love love my Magic Wand and never want to give it up. Before I got it as a (much) younger woman, I barely ever had a big O. Then I got used to having lots of Os, and I knew I had found the secret to my happiness. But right now I think I might need a little space between the two of us. See, that wand is so reliable that I come real quick when I use it. But now I’m coming so quick that it doesn’t even seem fun sometimes. And all of a sudden, I’m a one-and-done. And when I’m done, I’m like completely DONE. Like, I’m giving myself a real wham-bam-thank-me-ma’am experience which I do not enjoy. I don’t know if I’ll be able to come without the wand though, so I’m thinking about a sort of step-down situation instead of a cold-turkey quit. Got any ideas for me? Should I be eyeing up another device or what? And to be 100% clear, I plan to resume my relations with my wand as soon as I’ve gotten some control over myself. Like I said, our love is forever.

Magic Wand Maven

Dear Maven,

Good for you for knowing what you like and enjoying yourself unapologetically! Finding our way to sexual pleasure can be challenging for young women, as we often have so many layers of shame to remove before we can get there. The Magic Wand Original* has helped millions of people find lasting self-love since its invention in 1968. Also, good for you for knowing your body and knowing that you’re ready to mix things up (even temporarily).

Wands like the one you’re using are known for being very powerful, which is great for getting off. As you know, the Magic Wand Original only has two speeds. (In our store, we refer to those speeds as “oh my god” and “oh my fucking god” which should tell you everything you need to know about that.) For some people, though, it can be too much power. Or they can go through phases where it just feels excessive. It sounds like this is where you’re at right now. But never fear! I’ve got some ideas for your upcoming step-down process.

Explore Everywhere
Before diving in with direct stimulation of the genitals, spend some time with other body parts. Try connecting to yourself through lavish self-care. It can feel very indulgent to take a long bath, or paint your nails, or put on an outfit that makes you feel sexy. When you’re done with those rituals, move onto touching yourself while still avoiding your genitals. There are the more obvious choices like the bum, breasts, and inner thighs. But some less obvious body parts can be powerfully erotic too. Many people get turned on when a partner stimulates their lips, ears, neck, or collar bone. Try it for yourself and see how you react to you! You don’t have to stop there either. Inner arms are soft and smooth. Bellies can be velvety and warm. Spend some time figuring out (or remembering!) what your whole body likes.

Slow Down
There are other wands that have more speeds or variable speeds (even other siblings to the Magic Wand Original like a rechargeable version or one with extended speeds). You could also pick a totally different kind of vibrator with less power. Vibes that are designed for clitoral stimulation are not going to be as strong as a wand, and that will probably be perfect for you right now. Once you have a new wand or other vibrator, get familiar with the speeds before you use it for the first time. Make a deal with yourself to stick with the lower speeds, either for the duration of your play or until you’ve gotten right to the edge of the orgasm. Then you can just use your wand at the end to reach orgasm.

Drag It Out
If you feel like you need a little something more, drag out the process of getting turned on before masturbating. You know, really get ready for it. Watch porn, read erotica, focus on a favorite fantasy, or sext with a partner—whatever works for you. When you’re ready to start masturbating, start on a low setting and only use the minimum speed necessary to get you there.

Keep It Edgy
Edging is the practice of going right up to the edge of orgasm and then intentionally dropping back, and then starting the process over again. Either using the wand you currently have or using a different toy, you can edge with yourself and put off orgasm a few times before going all in. Not only is this a fun way to spend an afternoon, your body can learn how to take a pause before reaching out for the quickest and easiest orgasm.

Thank You, I’ll Have Another
It also sounds like you might be a little bummed that you’re only having one orgasm when you masturbate. If that’s true, make goals for yourself about having more than one orgasm per session. Try for two each time, and when you can do that, try for three.

*The Hitachi Magic Wand was rebranded as the Magic Wand Original in 2013. It is still manufactured by Hitachi, and the wand is distributed by Vibratex in the United States. You can learn more about the history of this icon of sexual pleasure HERE.

Lucky Tomaszek, LM, CPM, knows that Black Lives Matter.

About The Author

Lucky Tomaszek
Contributor

Lucky Tomaszek, LM, CPM, is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee's only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Most mornings you can find her balancing her cat and her keyboard in her lap, working to make the world a smarter, safer place for people of all genders and orientations.

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