Here at Milwaukee Record, we occasionally employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job, Milwaukee Bot to keep track of the city’s many appearances on dopey online lists, as well as any time a national publication deigns to acknowledges our pathetic Midwest existence. To this point, the infernal machine brought us news that Rolling Stone liked Summerfest, and that The New York Times thought Milwaukee was a “cursed sports city”, and Travel + Leisure thinks we’re ugly as shit. Recently, it was reported that Milwaukee is a pretty good place for Fourth of July celebrations. Apparently, it’s the 13th best for them.

According to personal finance site WalletHub, Milwaukee comes in 13th out of the 100 most populated cities in America when it comes to celebrating the Fourth. The site pitted cities against each other using “20 relevant metrics” that were fed into rankings for: Fourth of July celebrations (Milwaukee came in 6th), affordability (16th), attractions & activities (37th), and safety & accessibility (60th).

This year’s top finisher is New York, followed by—who could’ve guessed?!—Los Angeles in the number two slot on this arbitrary list. San Bernardino, California comes in dead last. For the record, Madison ranks 54th, despite being 6th overall only two years earlier. In terms of Midwestern metros, Chicago (6th) and St. Louis (10th) rank higher. Even so, number 13 isn’t too shabby, Milwaukee—especially when taking into account that none of this matters whatsoever.

In your face, all but 12 other U.S. cities with a qualifying population! Have a safe and fun Fourth, Milwaukee.

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