This week Thursday through Saturday, comedian John Roy will come to Wisconsin to record his next album at Madison’s renowned Comedy Club On State. Beyond amassing an impressive list of credits on every late show imaginable and being downright hilarious in his own right, Roy also hosts an outstanding Feral Audio podcast called Don’t Ever Change that finds the affable comedian asking his comic cohorts what their lives were like in high school. Some notable former guests include T.J. Miller, Pete Holmes, Kumail Nanjiani, Nikki Glaser, Nick Thune, Cameron Esposito, and South Milwaukee’s own Jackie Kashian, among others.

Back in 2014, Dan Harmon was on Roy’s show. The Community and Rick And Morty creator, not to mention one of the most accomplished comic minds with Milwaukee roots, opened up about his time as a student in Brown Deer in the late ’80s and early ’90s. Over the course of the revealing 70-minute discussion, Harmon recounted his poor hygiene, being bullied for said hygiene, the region’s Packers obsession, and how ComedySportz was a godsend to him.

Near the end of the episode, Harmon opened up about finding a community on UW-Milwaukee’s CBE (Citizens Band Emulator) system in 1989 and using the rudimentary chat room to make friends and meet girls. “I went on dates with several girls I met on there,” Harmon says. “I lost my virginity to a girl I met on there.”

After looking back and thanking his lucky stars that “none of these real-life meet-ups turned out to be 48-year-old men,” Harmon talked about the “shockingly, disproportionately attractive young women that [he] got [his] chance to socialize with” because of the CBE.

“One of the first girls that I hooked up with, I was 16, and she was, like, 20, I think. And my friend [David] Friedel would take me. I had a car, but I was intimidated by driving to the south side. So he drove me and he would wait in the living room of her apartment while I made out with her in her bedroom next to her child’s crib.”

At about the 58-minute mark, he said the unnamed 20-year-old Southsider eventually became the first woman to visit Harmontown while his car was parked under the cover of a beloved local landmark. Fittingly, the devoted Mr. Friedel drove Harmon.

“When I actually lost my virginity, it was under the Hoan Bridge in Milwaukee in the dead of winter. It was right before my seventeenth birthday and I was, at the time, driving my mom’s ’83 Firebird that was handed down to me. It was fucking December in Milwaukee and Friedel went and hung out somewhere in the ice and snow under the goddamn Hoan Bridge while I got to have sex in the back of my mom’s Firebird because that’s what friends do. But would I have done that? Probably, because I would’ve been excited for him. He’s just a good guy. He’s just a stand up dude.”

Unfortunately, the modem-made match didn’t last long.

“The way she dumped me was by telling me that she was a Satanist.”

Apparently, she attempted to prove it by singing and dancing along with a King Diamond music video she played for Harmon and Friedel in her living room. “I wish life stayed that magical,” Harmon said.

Listen to the entire episode. You’ll never see Dan Harmon or the Hoan Bridge in quite the same way again.

About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Before co-founding Milwaukee Record, Tyler Maas wrote for virtually every Milwaukee publication (except Wassup! Magazine). He lives in Bay View and enjoys both stuff and things.