Dear MKE SEX,
Just before Valentine’s Day, I made a little trip to an adult store to buy my girlfriend a vibrator. I didn’t really know what I was looking for when I got there. I picked one out pretty quick, paid for it, and left. After I got home, I wished I’d looked around a little. I kinda want something for myself, but I don’t even know what that would be. I’m not looking to explore my backdoor or anything like that. But, I like to stroke. Like, I really, really like it. I’ve seen those little pocket pussies, but they look so weird. Just like, a detached body part and a tube. Gives me the willies. And every guy knows about Fleshlights, but they’re giant! Plus, any dude who sees it in my house will immediately know what it is. What else is out there for someone like me who just wants to beat it at home, but get a little more out of it?
Thanks,
Jack B. Quick
Hello Jack,
The short answer is, “Yes, there are lots of products on the market to help you remake your masturbation.” But of course, there’s a longer answer, too. As a matter of fact, despite the fact that I’m very happy with the genitals I was born with, there are some great toys out there that make me kind of wish I had a penis to play with too. You can find strokers at a wide range of prices. That’s important because everyone should be able to access sexual pleasure, regardless of their financial situation. It’s good to note that all of these toys are going to feel a lot better if you use some good water-based lube with them. Things like hand lotion and hair conditioner can be hard on the materials that sex toys are made with. Using actual lube will make it more fun, and preserve the life of your toy.
Side Kick 2
This is a really affordable stroker, priced at just $10. It’s an elastomer tube with symmetrical ridges all the way around it from top to bottom. Because both ends are open, it’s easy to stimulate the head of the penis while using it. It’s great for solo play, and it also makes a great aid for oral sex. The giver can stroke the penis with the Side Kick, and give a great blow job just to the head and frenulum, which are the most sensitive parts of the penis. Saves some serious jaw fatigue while delivering some super fun partner play.
Fleshlight Flight
Everything you said about a standard Fleshlingt is true. The iconic shape gives it away every time, and the size is almost daunting. (Seriously, who looks at that and thinks it’s a flashlight? For whom? Those things would even look huge in Hagrid’s hut.) Still, some folks love them, and for good reason. Fleshlight has done a great job of making a toy that feels great and holds up for quite a while. Fortunately, there other strokers from Fleshlight that are smaller in size and less obvious in appearance. The Fleshlight Flight is one of those. A smaller price tag matches the smaller size. The Flight is $49 instead of $69 for the full size Fleshlight. It’s so inconspicuous that customers at the Tool Shed often have to ask us what they are. Much smaller than the original Fleshlights, they just look like a computer component or other gadget. Inside the hard plastic case is a sheath of textured elastomer. You can easily adjust the suction by opening or closing the other end, so that the level of stimulation is completely up to you.
Tenga Flip Zero
The Flip Zero is another elastomer stroker in a hard plastic shell. Like the Flight, it’s pretty inconspicuous. Different people have said that it looks like a small speaker, a bottle of lotion, or an essential oil diffuser. It has a couple of great features that put it a little ahead some of the others, though. First, you can open it all the way up and lay it flat to clean and dry it. Getting an elastomer toy clean and dry extends its life, meaning you get to jerk it with your favorite helper a lot more times before it wears out. Also, it has soft spots on the sides so you can compress the body of the toy and control the amount of sensation you’re feeling while you stroke. It’s a little more expensive at $99, but it’s a lot of fun.
Apollo Alpha Stroker
This one is also $99, and it’s a little different than your basic stroker. The Alpha Stroker gives you the gift of vibration. Most people will tell you that vibration on your junk feels awesome. It’s also a distinct advantage for anyone who might have issues with mobility. Problems with the shoulder, elbow, or hands can all make it difficult to beat that meat. Vibration means you probably won’t have to. This a rechargeable toy, which should extend the life of the motor. And there are replacement sleeves available, so if you wear out the elastomer before the motor, you can just fix it up and keep going.
The Pulse series by Hot Octopuss
There are currently three of these rechargeable vibrating masturbation machines on the market, and I can’t pick just one because they’re all great. They’re all made with a silicone sleeve that wraps around the penis, and a hard plastic back. All of them can be used with a flacid or erect penis, which is great for folks who want to have a lot of fun but maybe don’t have an erection in the moment. While you can stroke with any of them, their motors are strong enough that you’ll probably get where you’re going without stroking, too. And that strong motor reverberates through the plastic back, so your partner could definitely grind against it during couple’s play. At three different price points, each of these is worth the coin. Pocket Pulse, the smallest, is $89. It’s very lightweight and wraps around a little more securely than the other. Pulse III Solo at $119 is a bigger toy that will cover more of the shaft of the penis. The motor is a little stronger, too. And though the Pulse III Duo is the most expensive on my list ($149), it does a little more. There’s an extra motor underneath the hard plastic back for even more partner stimulation, and it comes with a remote control.
Curious about cunnilingus? Anxious about anal? Do you have questions about queefs or problems with your prostate? Lucky Tomaszek is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee’s only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Send her a question at [email protected] and she’ll get back to you with an answer.