In Wisconsin Taste Test, two Milwaukee Record folks share their thoughts on two new-to-them “Wisconsin-y” food or drink items. Think raw beef sandwiches, Old-Fashioneds, and those giant bags of generic candy they sell at Fleet Farm. This week: a variety of Pork King Good flavored pork rinds.
Birthday Cake
Tyler Maas: The Milwaukee area has no shortage of great locally produced snack options. Admittedly, pork rinds weren’t really the first thing that came to mind for me when I thought about local snack delicacies, but maybe it’s about time for that to change. Pork King Good is a relative newcomer to Cudahy. The “proudly woman-owned quirky pork rind manufacturing company” moved into the longtime factory location of Porkie’s pork rinds when its owners retired (3113 E. Layton Ave.), and the Wisconsin transplant still produces Porkie’s products in addition to their own line of rinds, seasonings, and other pork-packed products.
Recently, I spotted the Pork King Good factory store while driving on Layton Avenue and was inspired to pay them a visit on account of my occasional enjoyment of a good rind and, yes, this new monthly series. I left with six bags total (half of which we’ll dive into today), and the first flavor I grabbed was Birthday Cake. To be honest, rinds aren’t usually something I ever think to buy, but they are something I’m happy to partake in if I happen upon them at a party or while hanging with Keto-eating relatives. Are you a frequent rind-er, Matt?
Matt Wild: A frequent rind-er? Not quite. In fact, I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had pork rinds in my entire life. Oh, they’ve been around: camping trips, fishing trips, hunting trips, etc. But no, I don’t think I’ve ever dipped my toes into the rind game. (And I don’t think I’ve ever seen them at birthday parties, either.) It’s nothing personal, it’s just that my personal “snack table” preferences are pretty basic. Why try something new when there’s a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos right there?
Tyler: Admittedly, I was more motivated to choose Birthday Cake out of curiosity than anything else, but dammit if these so-called “flavored dessert pork rinds” didn’t exceed my expectations. The “Birthday” flavor (typically just vanilla and cream flavoring) was definitely there, but more subtle than I had anticipated. It was far from offensive, but it eventually gave way to the savoriness of the rind itself and ultimately delivered a “less sugary Taco Bell Cinnamon Twist”-type profile. Birthday Cake certainly shows Pork King’s versatility and willingness to appeal to all (non-vegetarian) consumers, but—call me old fashioned if you must—I’m typically veering in the salty or spiced end of the spectrum if I’m eating a pork rind.
Matt: The smell that hit me upon opening this Birthday Cake bag was a little much, but things improved once I chomped into a rind itself. The frosting-esque flavor was indeed surprisingly subtle! The whole thing was lighter and crispier than I imagined! I…I liked this? I honestly didn’t think I would, but I did! Huh!
Tyler rating: “Yeah, sure.” (Okay)
Matt rating: “Oh, yah!” (Very Good)
Dill Pickle
Tyler: I felt the Birthday Cake flavor didn’t go aggressively enough in any direction, but the Dill Pickle rinds weren’t shy whatsoever. These babies are unapologetically brine-y, salty, and in your face. As a certified “pickle freak” who will eagerly devour any wayward spear or green medallion tossed in my general direction by a more selective diner, I legitimately loved these. I can’t really say the same for other pickle-flavored fare like pickle potato chips or even fried pickles, so I was actually pretty shocked this flavor resonated so much with me.
It’s also worth noting the pickle notes are reminiscent of the home-preserved pickles that your grandma or aunt or whatever jars using cucumbers from their garden. It’s not really giving the taste of those neon green macro-produced pickles. At least that’s my take. If you love pickles, these are an absolute home run. If you’re even semi-indifferent to pickles, you’re likely better off selecting one of Pork King Good’s, like, 17 other flavor options.
Matt: Remember that part in Major League where Harry Doyle (Bob Uecker, of course) asks his broadcasting partner Monty if he has anything to add? And Monty says, “Uh…no.” And Doyle/Uecker says, “He’s not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!”
That’s how I feel right now because, well, I don’t have much to add. I, too, love pickles, and I, too, loved these Dill Pickle rinds. They were thicker and crunchier than the Birthday Cake rinds, and all the better for it. Out of the three flavors we sampled for this Taste Test (more on the third in a minute), this would be my go-to.
Tyler rating: A surprisingly emphatic “Oh, yah!” (Very Good)
Matt rating: A surprisingly emphatic “Oh, yah!” (Very Good)
Stupid Hot
Tyler: [Steps onto soap box and clears throat] Have you ever noticed how most of the food items that companies claim are spicy usually aren’t spicy at all? I know it’s all relative and likely muted to prevent lawsuits or something, but I’m sick of seeing ads for products with names like “Holeburner Bacon Deluxe” just because there’s three slices of jalapeno and a squirt of Sriracha mayo on a burger. I paid you GOOD MONEY for a burnt hole, Wendy’s!
So uhhhhhhh, anyway…the upstanding folks at Pork King Good sure weren’t lying when they called these rinds “Stupid Hot.” Unlike the other flavors in their arsenal, these rinds have the term “Extremely Spicy” emblazoned right on the bag. Yes, we’ve had far spicier things, but these 250,000-Scoville heat unit rinds (landing squarely in “Very Hot” category on the Scoville Chart) are still no joke. Especially for a pre-packaged snack with somewhat wide distribution.
Matt: I’ve never been a “hot/spicy food guy,” but I’ve always wanted to be. (Other “types of guy” I’ve always wanted to be but probably never will: bourbon guy, sneaker guy, miniature-painting guy, make-enough-money-to-own-a-couple-of-pinball-tables guy.) So I bit into this Stupid Hot pork rind with great aplomb. “My journey to becoming a hot/spicy food guy begins NOW!” I thought to myself. “Do I even have to bother setting up my own podcast, or will one simply be given to me?”
Twenty seconds later, as I desperately slurped another handful of water from our office bathroom sink, I knew my life as a hot/spicy food guy was over before it began. These things are indeed Stupid Hot.
Tyler: To be honest, I do think the focus on heat above all else makes the idea of eating an entire serving of just Stupid Hot rinds a little bit unappealing. However, if dipped in guacamole, or combined in a bowl with, say, Pork King’s Nacho Cheddar or Smoky Jalapeno & Cheese rinds to partially dilute the heat, you’re probably onto something good! The more of these I ate, the more I got to thinking about other possible ways to incorporate them into other things. Maybe break one up to put on a chorizo or spicy Italian sausage? Crush a few to use in a batter for chicken tenders or mozzarella sticks? Put them on that fictional Wendy’s burger I mentioned earlier? The mind reels!
Matt: I’m returning to my previous life as a “co-runs-a-website-and-occasionally-enjoys-a-High-Life guy.” Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference and all that.
Tyler rating: A respectful but somewhat restrained “Oh, yah.” (Fairly Good)
Matt rating: “Yeah, sure.” (Okay)
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