In the annals of close-but-not-quite-Milwaukee-related pop-culture ephemera, Dustin Diamond’s arrest and subsequent jail time for stabbing a motherfucker in a Port Washington bar on Christmas Day sits loftily next to “Orson Welles was born in Kenosha” and “That ’70s Show is set somewhere in Wisconsin.” The former Saved By The Bell star forever known as Screech spent four months in the Ozaukee County Jail for the 2014 barroom incident, and was released earlier (and early) this April. Last week, Diamond sat down with his former Bell cast mate, Extra host Mario Lopez, to finally clear the air about his life, his mistakes, and his future. Here are some, er, highlights from the twopart (!) interview.

On that time he stabbed a motherfucker in a Port Washington bar on Christmas Day:
“I had my pocket knife like this, and the blade was right here, and the guy came from around me and grabbed my throat, and so he nicked his arm on the tip of it. It was a Band-Aid, the most expensive Band-Aid I’ve ever bought.”

On his time spent in jail:
“It’s not like what you see on TV, I’ll tell you that. It’s pretty daunting, it’s pretty scary going into that environment. I found that as long as you follow the rules and stay with the system, it works. You can get in and out unscathed.”

On his 2009 tell-all book, Behind The Bell:
“I wanted to write a book about my life. I was supposed to talk to a ghostwriter for 40 hours total. I talked to a guy for 90 minutes total. Another two weeks go by, and I get something in the mail, I get a copy of the book. They fabricated a whole bunch of stuff. I kind of got super railroaded on that.”

On the last time he saw his former cast members (other than Lopez, natch):
“It’s been ages. I haven’t seen Mark-Paul [Gosselaar] since I was 16. I haven’t seen Tiffani [Thiessen] or Elizabeth [Berkley] since then either. I’m 39. It’s been a minute.”

On his desire to continue being an actor and a public figure:
“It’s all I know. I’ve been doing it, acting and performing, since I was eight years old. It’s really my bread and butter. It’s what I know best, and I’m fairly good at it. I’m proud of the work I’ve done when I’ve done it. It’s just, how do you come off of such a phenomenal, phenom role of this Screech character and then break out of that mold and do something different?”

On being unable to change his bone structure and be less “Screech”-y, which is exactly the same thing he said when we interviewed him in 2012:
“I’d audition, and every single time they’d say, ‘Hey, we loved it, but we saw too much Screech in it.’ Well, I can’t change my bone structure, what do you want me to do?”

On putting the stunts and drama behind him and growing up, which is exactly the same thing he said when we interviewed him in 2012:
“I’m getting to the point where I need a family, I want kids, I want the full…my wife and I we’re going to make it legit and official. I want to put the tomfoolery and malarky behind me. It’s time for that clean slate, time for the change.”

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Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.