Since we’re screening Happy Gilmore at Avalon Theater on Wednesday, I figured now might be a good time to tell you about a drink I invented that’s named after that wonderful 1996 sports comedy. Much like most of society’s best inventions, the “Happy Gilmore” cocktail was created at Promises. One Sunday last spring, I walked into the Walker’s Point bar/venue. Not really feeling in the mood for any one of the bar’s canned beverage options and since it was dead at the time, I was struck with an idea.

I ordered a can of a specific malt beverage. Then a can of a fruit-flavored domestic beer. Then I asked for a glass with a little bit of ice in it. Finally, when I let the co-owner/bartender who was on staff in on my idea for the concoction, he suggested a liquor-based accent to the new beverage that was somewhere between being a bastardized Arnold Palmer and a somehow even less sophisticated John Daly. I called it the “Happy Gilmore.” With summer now here and, uh, because there are still a shitload of seats left for Wednesday’s Happy Gilmore screening, I figured now was the perfect time to give y’all the recipe. Are you too good for the “Happy Gilmore” cocktail recipe?! ANSWER ME!!!

Step 1

Add a little bit of ice to your trashiest pint glass. I’m talking three or four cubes, tops.

Step 2

Pour about five or six ounces of Naturdays—the original “Strawberry Lemonade” flavor—into the pint glass. Sadly, Naturdays isn’t super easy to find in Milwaukee these days. I managed to score a 12-pack at Avenue Liquor for $9.99 yesterday. There’s a decent chance your nearest Woodman’s might have it, too. If you’re reading this in Busch Light or Bud Light Country (a.k.a. pretty much anywhere in Wisconsin outside of metro Milwaukee), you might have better luck than our Milwaukee-based readers. Anyway, the Naturdays is important to give it that subtle artificial strawberry kiss. And if you truly come up empty, I guess Busch Light Peach could be an acceptable substitution.

Step 3

Add about five or six ounces of Twisted Tea (the Original flavor). That should be far easier to find than the Naturdays. Instead of forking over, like, $17 for a 12-pack, I went with the 24-ounce can for just over $3.

Step 4

Vodka! Specifically, cheap vodka. Bonus points if you’ve never heard of it before or if it’s something you only recognize as a rail/well vodka option. I got something called KHOR that I had never encountered in my life before Monday. Hey, Happy Gilmore wouldn’t pay for top shelf vodka, so why should you? (“Rail vodka, good vodka, who gives a shit?”) Add a splash of it…roughly half a shot, or more if you’re feeling adventurous. Stirring is completely optional.

Step 5

Enjoy! Like the fictional golfer for whom it’s named, the Happy Gilmore isn’t fancy, but it gets the job done. It’s not conventional, but it’s powerful and a definite crowd-pleaser that’s great on the links—or anywhere else—once summer rolls around. I drink three a day to help keep me strong. Talk about a hole in one!

Though this drink is good on its own, it’s even better when you follow it up by watching Happy Gilmore with like-minded strangers. Actually, as chance would have it, Milwaukee Record is screening Happy Gilmore at Avalon Theater on Wednesday, June 26. Remember when I mentioned that at the beginning of this article? There are still a frighteningly large number of tickets left for the 7 p.m. screening at the box office (because Avalon’s site is currently down). Drink a Happy Gilmore or two, then join us!

About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Before co-founding Milwaukee Record, Tyler Maas wrote for virtually every Milwaukee publication (except Wassup! Magazine). He lives in Bay View and enjoys both stuff and things.