Welcome to Food/Drink Week at Milwaukee Record, brought to you by Third Space Brewing. From May 13 through May 20, belly up and enjoy adventurous, odd, and elaborate coverage of all things edible and drinkable in Milwaukee and beyond.
It’s “Food/Drink Week” here at Milwaukee Record, which might not mean anything to you. However, we view this period of posts dedicated to food and drink coverage as an opportunity to tackle story ideas that are more ambitious, more costly, more time-consuming, and/or more “outside-the-box” than our usual dining and beverage articles. An idea that fits those specifications perfectly is something I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time.
Basically, I’ve wanted to “eat like Giannis” for an entire weekend. Through the years, the All-Earth basketball player and Milwaukee Bucks legend has delighted the world with his funny food takes and bold beverage stances. Having done some “research” (a cursory Google search and looking at YouTube clips), I was easily able to amass enough consumables that are either approved by or quite literally endorsed by The Greek Freak to round out a weekend worth of meals, snacks, and hydration.
From 5 p.m. this past Friday through 11:59 p.m. on Sunday, I “ate like Giannis Antetokounmpo” for a weekend. Here’s how it went.
Friday Night
In the minutes before I embarked on this self-assigned quest to eat and drink like Giannis, I checked to see if Giannis liked coffee.
Unfortunately, he does not, so I chugged the remainder of Friday morning’s coffee from my pot at home just before the clock struck 5 p.m. and prayed it would somehow sustain me through Sunday. This might not be as easy as I had anticipated.
As a nod to The Greek Freak’s post-Championship “50-piece,” I bought 50 frozen chicken nuggets, which I’d make a point to finish over the course of the weekend. Yeah, I’m aware he ordered 50 nuggets from Chick-fil-A, but I didn’t want to waste the time or money to drive out to the suburbs to get overpriced/overrated nuggets from a franchise I don’t support. Don’t like that? Feel free to start your own publication, run it for 10 years, and never be able to own property. I bought bagged nuggets. Get over it. Anyway, I knocked out 20 of my 50 nugs for dinner on Friday. I had no idea if Giannis likes BBQ sauce, but I knew he liked ketchup (more on that later), so I dipped ’em in ketchup. So far, so good.
Speaking of that post-‘chip drive thru experience, I had a “Giannis”—half Sprite, half lemonade, no ice—to wash down the nuggets. I don’t get the no ice thing, but it’s not bad. (And I’m just now looking at this picture and realizing I bought Zero Sugar Sprite).
A few hours later, I had Oreo cookies that I dipped in milk…which I’m pretty sure Giannis invented. I think he’s onto something!
The rest of the night (and much of the weekend after that), I relied on water that—in true Giannis fashion—I stole home from my workplace. I took down two cans on Friday night and hit the hay feeling like a champion.
Saturday
Like I wouldn’t start my first breakfast out with a smoothie! It’s the first thing that made Giannis fall in love with America, after all. Also, I have to note I made sure to add Greek yogurt to my homemade smoothie concoction. It was…a smoothie. Not bad, but nowhere near life-changing.
Knowing I had a long way to go to complete the 50-piece, I knocked out 16 more nuggies for lunch on Saturday. Also, acknowledging that Giannis’ citrus soda allegiances have changed recently, I also bought Starry (which he now endorses) and had a mini can with my lunch. I had two more “work waters” both during and post-workout after lunch, as the 36 nuggets I had eaten to that point weren’t exactly making me feel great.
I was stocked with enough Giannis-approved stuff to get me through the weekend, but a guy has to get out, right? On Saturday late afternoon, I made my way to South Shore Terrace for a brat…a Wisconsin delight he’s made no secret about enjoying, that I topped with ketchup because he did in that one brat video. I know Giannis doesn’t drink alcohol, but I was at a beer garden and, to be honest, I wanted a beer. Thankfully, I remembered that one time Giannis took a sip of Coors Light, said it was “nasty” and set it down. So I ordered a Coors Light. To my surprise, I didn’t think it was nasty. However, I vowed to keep drinking it until I detected exactly what Giannis found to be so unsatisfying. When all was said and done, I (much like my Milwaukee County Parks beer stein) came up empty. Oh well!
Later, I had three more Oreos with milk and some “work waters” to end the night.
Sunday
Another day, another smoothie. “Man, God bless America.” I also included two eggs, which Giannis claimed to regularly eat in the same Wall Street Journal article that revealed he didn’t drink coffee.
A few hours later, I polished off my weekend 50-piece by eating the last 14 nuggets and vowing to not eat chicken nuggets for a long time. I had another mini Starry can and, caffeine withdrawals in full swing, looked ahead to things I’d be able to consume once this self-assigned Giannis diet was over.
Following a couple more Oreos with accompanying sips of milk and some “work waters” that I didn’t deem worth photographing, I ended my weekend meals with…what’s the opposite of a bang? Oh yeah, a sad little personal pepperoni pizza. It would’ve been nice if Giannis publicly stated he was a fan of the almighty S.M.O., but the only pizza opinion I had to go off of was his affinity for pepperoni pizza. Pepperoni pizza is fine all all, but as I couldn’t help but long for extra toppings. Whatever. Come Monday morning, I could eat whatever I wanted again.
With the end in sight, I added some wiggle room with my Sprite/lemonade combo. Instead of a “Giannis,” I subbed in some THC lemonade to make what I’m calling the “Larry Sanders.” I highly recommend this modification.
For some reason, I felt a little bit hungry an hour or so after finishing my Larry Sanders. I had my fill of Oreos, so I popped some popcorn (a fully Giannis-approved snack) and had the last of my “work waters” before calling it a night. And, um, that was pretty much it. I ate like Giannis for an entire weekend…minus all the healthy, personal chef-crafted stuff the public doesn’t see that allows him to perform at an extraordinarily high level.
I think I made a pretty nice dent, but some Giannis foods I didn’t get to include lemon pepper wings from Wingstop (couldn’t handle any more chicken), food from his restaurant Avli (honestly not worth the time and money for such a dumb shit article like this), Skittles (had no idea he liked Skittles until some lady just “well, actually…”ed me in the Facebook comments), Barnacle Bud’s (don’t know what he gets there), Italian food (referenced in his biography, but exact dishes aren’t specified), something from the Canadian candy company he co-owns (no idea where to find it around here), and a gyro (lazy, hacky—”lol cuz he’s Greek”—and I respect you less if you suggest it).
You might wonder what I’ve learned from spending an entire weekend allowing a professional athlete to determine my consumption decisions. Nothing! Did I grow as a person? Probably only in my waist line. Do I have a newfound respect for Giannis? Not particularly. Would I do it again? Nah. So there you have it…I did this thing for some reason, wrote about it, and you’ve made it to the end of my article about it. I’m sorry or you’re welcome, I guess.
