Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job, Wisconsin! Bot to keep track of the state’s many appearances on dopey online lists, as well as any time a national publication deigns to acknowledge our pathetic Midwest existence. And boy oh boy, national publications sure are acknowledging our existence these days!

But never mind The New York Times; let’s talk about the trusted list-makers at WalletHub, who just put our state at a lofty #2 on a list of “States with the Fewest COVID-19 Restrictions.” Great job, Wisconsin! Who needs those pesky, lifesaving restrictions in the middle of a pandemic? Not Republican lawmakers who filed a lawsuit seeking to strike down the state’s “Safer At Home” order, not conservative judges who predictably sided with those lawmakers and compared “Safer At Home” to Japanese-American internment camps during World War II, and surely not some guy who owns a bar in Beaver Dam who’s HAD ENOUGH OF LIVING IN FEAR. #LiberateWisconsin!

Which state tops Wisconsin (population: 5.8 million) in the list of states with the fewest HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR TRIAL RUN OF SOCIALISM restrictions? Why South Dakota, of course (population: 884,659). IF ONLY WE HAD MOUNT RUSHMORE AND WALL DRUG.

Source: WalletHub

Idaho, Missouri, and Utah round out the top 5 FREE STATES. Oh, and our neighbors to the south, Illinois, have the most COVID-19 restrictions. See you in Lake Geneva over Memorial Day weekend, Illinois!

Here are some more numbers from the WalletHub study:

Coronavirus Restrictions in Wisconsin (1=Fewest, 25=Avg.):

• 1st – Requirement to Wear a Face Mask in Public
• 1st – Reopening of Child-Care Programs
• 28th – Travel Restrictions
• 2nd – Large Gatherings Restrictions
• 7th – “Shelter in Place” Order
• 7th – Reopening of Non-Essential Businesses
• 2nd – Reopening of Restaurants and Bars

Note: Rankings are based on data available as of 12:30 p.m. ET on Monday, May 18, 2020.

You can read more about WalletHub’s methodology and metrics HERE. And when you’re done with that, brush up on the various county and city “safer at home” orders still in place, and grab the popcorn for another day of fiery rhetoric from Gov. Tony Evers and Wisconsin health officials: “Gee folks, it sure is disappointing our ‘Safer At Home’ order was thrown out, isn’t it? Oh well. Still consider wearing a mask if you can.”