Wisconsin’s recent run as a contender in various sports has been a refreshing change of pace. The Green Bay Packers and Milwaukee Bucks both made the playoffs last season, and are full of young talent. The Wisconsin Badgers made it to the Final Four for the second consecutive season. That success makes the Milwaukee Brewers’ dreadful and MLB-worst 16-32 start this year sting just a little bit more. Using a recipe that worked for minor league franchises five years ago, management has turned to movie theme nights to keep people coming to the park, the first of which is a Star Wars night on May 30th. The ballpark will feature some sweet John Williams soundtrack cuts played on the stadium sound system, and folks willing to risk $10 Miller products being spilled on their sweet cosplay for drunken photo ops and the ultimate in crossover collectibles: a “Jedi Luc” themed bobblehead featuring Jonathan Lucroy as a Jedi Knight.

Using the injured catcher to portray Luke Skywalker seems like a pretty easy, lazy choice, since their names (sort of) match, and it takes five minutes to Photoshop a baseball bat into a lightsaber. Even so, the event is ridiculously popular, with the bobblehead being sold out already and looking to bring in tens of dollars on the secondary market. So long as Major League Baseball and Disney/Lucasfilm want a license to print money, we’ll be looking forward to nights like these for a while. We now offer Milwaukee Record’s suggestions for future bobbleheads that are a bit more thematically appropriate.

Scooter Gennett as Jar Jar Binks
Gennett is a young, scrappy player who was supposed to be the fresh face of the new era franchise. Instead he struggled mightily in his first weeks as a full-time player, had a disabled list stint caused by a shower caddy, and was recently sent down to the minors. Even Jar Jar got a few pity episodes of Clone Wars.

Hank The Dog as Wicket The Ewok
Both serve as enduring symbols of doing something “for the kids” that makes (or at least should make) grown up fans feel awful. How long until Hank gets his own Web series where he reunites a family while battling monsters?

Carlos Gomez as Ahsoka Tano
Few people really liked Gomez when he came to the Brewers in the J.J. Hardy trade, but he’s slowly become one of the best things about the team. You can tell when fans started liking Ahsoka because they gave her two lightsabers. Maybe Gomez can get two gloves?

Francisco Rodriguez as C-3PO
Both are unlikely long term members of the franchise, serving through the good years and the bad. K-ROD has also probably seen over six million batters at this point.

Ryan Braun as Han Solo
Roguish charm, a popular fan base and the ability to claim “It’s not my fault!” when things go wrong.

Jeremy Jeffress as Lando Calrissian
Jeffress floundered after his first round pick and was out the door as a throw-in prospect of the Zack Greinke trade. But much like Lando and his little maneuver at the Battle at Tanaab, he’s proved himself to be a solid supporting player after being signed as a minor league free agent when the Blue Jays cut ties with the embattled reliever last spring.

Jonathan Lucroy as Chewbacca
The Brewers have shown a willingness to double dip on bobbleheads before. Besides, both Chewy and Lucroy seem to get people to yell vowel-loaded yodels whenever they show up.

Elian Herrera and Hector Gomez as Stormtroopers
Herrera and Gomez are expendable nobodies the team is just throwing out there in a futile effort to see if they can get anything done. Maybe they can get gigs with the local 501st Legion and work the crowd dressed up in full costume after the game?

Doug Melvin as Grand Moff Tarkin
The GM has constructed an impressive technological terror despite the Journal Sentinel comments section being full of “Fire Melvin” rants whenever the Brewers don’t pull off a 81-pitch perfect game. With this awful start, Melvin might be caught in a similar explosion to the one the occurred when he fired Ron Roenicke earlier this season.

Miller Park as Jabba’s Palace
Besides a definite family resemblance, Miller Park will soon be full of weirdoes from another galaxy. At least, when the Cubs are next in town at the end of July. This Saturday, though, Star Wars night will have an interesting mix of sci-fi nerds and baseball nerds.

About The Author

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Rob Wieland is a contributor to the Milwaukee Record. He is an author, game designer, and professional nerd.