There isn’t a sportswriter alive who hates the Green Bay Packers more than Drew Magary does. The novelist, GQ correspondent, beloved Deadspin columnist, and outspoken Minnesota Vikings fan routinely tears apart Packers players, coaches, and fans in articles and on his podcast. Magary’s annual “Why Your Team Sucks” preseason series always seems to get especially vicious—and especially funny—once it’s Green Bay’s turn in his crosshairs.
Prior to Sunday’s Green Bay-Minnesota match-up and before Magary’s live Deadcast in Chicago on Monday, we reached out to the lifelong Packer Basher and asked him to focus his hatred on his five least favorite Green Bay players of all time. Here’s who he picked, along with a few choice sentences about every player.
“No Packer will ever be more insufferable. They STILL find a way to bring him up at least five times on every Packers broadcast, and it makes me wanna die. ‘The last time the Packers had a comeback like this? Little fella by the name of FAVRE was playing QB!'”
Career vs. Minnesota (32 games) — 688 completions for 7,595 yards, 56 touchdowns (one rushing), 37 interceptions. 17-15 record.
“Even before he turned out to be a criminal, I hated him. He was Favre’s Dallas Clark, routinely making clutch catches that I’m sure delighted Packers fans, but infuriated the rest of the universe. He would bail Favre out on drives that had no business continuing, and I think the Hall Of Fame should tack on 50 extra spiritual interceptions to [Favre’s] stats to reflect it.”
Career vs. Minnesota (12 games) — 22 receptions, 251 yards, 3 touchdowns. 5-7 record.
“Standard white talisman receiver who stood in as proxy for every 400-pound cheesebreather in the stands who thinks Jordy could be their biological son.”
Career vs. Minnesota (18 games) — 71 receptions, 985 yards, 10 touchdowns. 11-6-1 record.
“John Madden kept calling him ol’ Frankie bag of donuts, then would snicker and never even bothered to explain how or why he had that nickname. I mean, I know it was because he was fat, but still.”
Career vs. Minnesota (21 games) — 10-11 record.
“Henderson was basically John Kuhn before John Kuhn was John Kuhn (please add Kuhn to this list and make him number 1a, because he sucks). I said I hated Henderson once. He heard about it and got on TV and basically said I was an asshole, which is both fair and true. But he still really annoyed me.”
Career vs. Minnesota (25 games) — 50 receptions for 341 yards, one touchdown. 12 carries for 30 yards. 14-11 record.
Note: All career stats and records include playoffs.