Yesterday’s Green Bay Packers loss to the Seattle Seahawks was the kind of game that could only be described thusly: crushing, upsetting, heartbreaking, horrendous, pathetic, stupefying, un-fucking-believable. It was a game that left an entire state with its collective mouth agape: Seriously, how did we fuck this up? Weren’t we just up 16-0? Fucking Brandon Bostick. Less than 24 hours later, it still stings, like a strained calf muscle that didn’t seem like a big deal throughout most of the game but we guess it was in the end, so let’s just blame it on that, okay?

Anyway, Super Bowl XLIX will feature the Seahawks and the New England Patriots (and Katy Perry), and not the Packers, which makes surviving the next two weeks without putting our still-shaking heads in the oven all the more difficult. Luckily, we’ve rounded up six things you can do between now and February 1 that will help lessen the pain of—ugh—the green-and-gold coming up short. And Katy Perry playing the halftime show. Fuuuuuuuck.

1. Celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (Monday, January 19)
Nothing lays bare the frivolity of sports better than real life. So while we continue to sulk over yesterday’s loss—Who the fuck calls tails on a coin toss?—let’s not forget that today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Fun fact: Milwaukee and Atlanta, Georgia are the only cities to have celebrated Dr. King’s birthday (January 15) every year since 1984. Help keep that tradition alive by dropping by the Milwaukee Public Library’s Martin Luther King branch for free programs and activities throughout the day, or by visiting the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Community Center for its “Salute to Those Who Protect and Serve” program at 3 p.m. Or, if you can, by making it a “day of service” instead of just another “day off.”

2. See Soul Low, Whips, and The Fatty Acids at Linneman’s (Thursday, January 22)
Isn’t it infuriating knowing that this was one of those “miracle” playoff games that will be talked about for years (“A comeback for the ages!”) and that we’ll always be on the losing end of it, forever scratching our helmets over a fake field goal and bobbling a goddamn onside kick? Perhaps this ridiculously stacked bill at Linneman’s will go down in history, too, seeing that it includes three of Milwaukee’s best bands. Soul Low is the proud creator of one of the best albums of 2013, as well as one of the best albums of the too-early-to-call 2015. Whips, meanwhile, recently unleashed their monster Turn It On LP, and bowled us over by covering the third band on this bill, The Fatty Acids, at our inaugural Local Coverage show this past Friday at Club Garibaldi. FYI: It was an unbelievably huge success (sorry if you couldn’t get in the door after we hit capacity), and we raised over $1,100 for Girls Rock Milwaukee. Oh, and we’re doing it again next year. Stay tuned.

3. Swallow your feelings at 88Nine Radio Milwaukee SoundBites (Thursday, January 22)
Remember that barf-y sensation you felt when Jermaine Kearse caught that 35-yeard touchdown from Russell Wilson, sealing the Packers’ fate and insuring that truckloads of green-and-gold “NFC Champions” shirts will be shipped to Zambia, Armenia, and Nicaragua? Well, reverse that for this year’s delectable 88Nine Radio Milwaukee Soundbites event at the Iron Horse Hotel. The fourth annual benefit will feature 12 chef-hosted tasting stations paired up with new music provided by 88Nine DJs. Participating restaurants include: Blue Jacket, Goodkind, Story Hill BKC, Balzac, juniper61, Bartolotta’s Lake Park Bistro, Motor Bar & Restaurant, Pabst/Riverside/Turner Hall, Pastiche Bistro & Wine Bar, The Rumpus Room, Smyth Restaurant, and The Firefly.

4. Support the inaugural Riverwest FemFest (Friday, January 23 – Saturday, January 24)
The upside to a premature end to the Packers’ season? We won’t have to suffer through the countless dunderheaded “Ladies! Here are some survival tips while your man enjoys the big game!” pieces that local TV stations trot out like it’s still the fucking Ice Bowl. In their place, why not join the 21st century and come out for the inaugural Riverwest FemFest? Dedicated to “celebrating the strong, talented women in our community while donating to a great cause,” the two-day blowout will find more than a dozen female-driven bands descending on the Cocoon Room: City Pines, Shelly Schauer, Poncho People, Flag Signals, Caley Conway And The Lucy Cukes, The Grasping At Straws, and New Boyz Club will play on the 23rd; Toby Pansy, Fox Face, Appleseeds, Fuck Of Seagulls, and Sin Bad will play on the 24th. There will also be poetry readings, an art auction (the proceeds of which will benefit the Milwaukee Women’s Center), and an after-party at Riverwest Public House featuring Temple and Venus In Furs.

5. Reflect on the impermanence of life with Jon Mueller’s final Death Blues show (Saturday, January 31)
What’s a “win” or a “loss” anyway? Aren’t they both just meaningless signposts on the one-way road to death and oblivion? Isn’t life too short for looking back? Why in god’s name did we settle for a field goal on that fourth down? Brood on these questions and more when Volcano Choir percussionist Jon Mueller beats the hell out of life, death, and impermanence at his final Death Blues performance for Alverno Presents. Since premiering in 2012, Mueller’s Death Blues project has taken many forms, but it remains best as a live performance full of booming, primal post-rock and wall-of-sound orchestration. For this three-movement “Ensemble” piece at Alverno’s Pitman Theatre, Mueller will be joined by fellow musicians Fred Lonberg-Holm, Jaime Fennelly, Jim Warchol, Marielle Allschwang, and Nathaniel Heuer.

6. Skip the Super Bowl and just tweet snarky shit during the halftime show like everyone else (Sunday, February 1)
Ugh. Fucking Seattle. Fucking New England. Who wants to see these clown in the Super Bowl again? Nobody, that’s who. Shit, even a bunch of Seattle “fans” lit out before the game was over. Therefore, the only thing to do on February 1 is skip the game itself, and tune in only for the sure-to-be-batshit halftime show featuring Katy Perry. You can then tweet along with the rest of the country and make snarky jokes about wardrobe malfunctions or whatever. Or about how awful the Red Hot Chili Peppers were last year. Or about how Prince should just do it every year. Or “Weird Al.” Yeah, a “Weird Al” halftime show is long overdue. Seriously, wasn’t there a petition for that a few years ago? Or about anything but the game. Fuuuuuuuck.

About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.