My boyfriend and I are adorable big fat fatties, and we always seem to end up in missionary position. I don’t mind it, but what other plus-sized friendly positions (or tips and tricks) would you recommend? We are a hetero male/female couple, if that helps.

Love Handles

Dear Love Handles,

I’m super happy to hear that you’ve found a position that works well for you! While the missionary position is the butt of every joke about boring sex, it’s also a position that usually works well for many heterosexual couples. It allows people to look into each other’s eyes, and to get a lot of full body contact. I also understand that variety is the spice of life, and it can be really great to experiment with new positions. Just changing up a couple of things can breathe new life into a couple’s sex life.

Before we dive into positions, I want to mention that positioning aids can be a huge asset to any couple trying out new things. How many times have you finally found the perfect angle or point of contact, only to get a cramp in your hip or a crick in your neck? Using a wedge under your hips or to support your shoulders can mostly eliminate those inconveniences. A lot folks will try to use pillows or folded up blankets for this purpose, but those can slide around and leave you with less support instead of more.

A lot of people of size have success in the cowgirl (a.k.a. woman-on-top or female superior) and reverse cowgirl positions (woman-on-top but facing toward his feet). These work well because the position really opens your legs, creating good access for your partner. Plus you have a lot of control over the depth of penetration. Putting a firm support under your partner’s hips will lift him up toward you a little, which can also be really beneficial.

Being penetrated from behind might also work well for you, depending on where you carry your weight. (If you’ve got a nice, full butt, this one might not be quite as good for you.) You can try it laying on your belly, but you’ll probably have better luck if you’re either bent over something (like a table or the edge of the bed), or up on your knees with something under to belly to prevent you from sliding down into the bed.

If you’re looking for even more ideas, check out Big Big Love by Hanne Blank or Curvy Girl Sex by Elle Chase. They are both wonderful, positive sex guide written by and for other sexy people of size. And if you want a little erotic inspiration, Curvy Girls is a collection of erotica edited by Rachel Kramer Bussell featuring big, luscious ladies having great sex.

Curious about cunnilingus? Anxious about anal? Do you have questions about queefs or problems with your prostate? Lucky Tomaszek is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee’s only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Send her an email at [email protected] and she’ll get back to you with an answer.

About The Author

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Lucky Tomaszek, LM, CPM, is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee's only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Most mornings you can find her balancing her cat and her keyboard in her lap, working to make the world a smarter, safer place for people of all genders and orientations.