Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job, Milwaukee Bot to keep track of the city’s many appearances on dopey online lists, or any time a national publication deigns to acknowledge our pathetic Midwest existence. Recently, the infernal machine brought us news that Rolling Stone liked Summerfest, The New York Times thought Milwaukee was a “cursed sports city,” and somebody claimed we were the 12th best city for music fans. Okay.

This time around, the bot brings us a list appearance that’s both unflattering and unfounded. Travel + Leisure—which calls itself “the world’s most influential travel brand”—named Milwaukee the 5th least attractive city in America. More specifically, the magazine’s unattractive assertion was directed at Milwaukee’s residents. Here’s the blurb, complete with the requisite beer, cheese, and cream puff comments that offer absolutely no explanation as to how the periodical came upon its rankings.

Milwaukee is a city of contrasting personalities. There’s the artsy side, with a museum designed by Santiago Calatrava and a thriving theater scene that regularly stages world premieres. There’s the Germanic brew-town side, helmed by Miller but increasingly dominated by local craft brewers. And there’s the Midwest agricultural side, with the Wisconsin State Fair bringing cheese curds, cream puffs—a local specialty—and animal beauty contests to the region each summer. The city’s residents failed to take home the blue ribbon for their own looks though, coming in as the fifth-least attractive in the country.

According to the article, only residents of Charlotte, Spokane, Sacramento, and those uggos in Baltimore are more homely than we are. Such a cold distinction is enough to drive a Milwaukee resident to drink, which shouldn’t be tough according to something called Redfin. The real estate listing site recently named Milwaukee the 3rd best city for beer lovers. Even if we aren’t lookers, at least we can fall back on our thriving theater scene that regularly stages world premieres.

[h/t Allen Cote]

About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Before co-founding Milwaukee Record, Tyler Maas wrote for virtually every Milwaukee publication (except Wassup! Magazine). He lives in Bay View and enjoys both stuff and things.