Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job Milwaukee Bot to keep track of the city’s many appearances on dopey online lists, as well as any time a national publication deigns to acknowledges our pathetic Midwest existence. In the past, the infernal machine has brought us news that Rolling Stone likes Summerfest, that Travel + Leisure thinks we’re ugly as dirt, and that Bay View is the 13th “hottest hipster market in America.” Now, in a development that will surely lead local singles to call bullshit, a “nationally-touring series of live Town Hall-style forums on love, dating, and relationships” called The Great Love Debate has named Milwaukee “America’s Best City To Find Love.” Sure. Why not.

“It’s like Chicago without the downside,” The Great Love Debate says of Milwaukee, ticking off the “smaller than Chicago” box but thankfully not the “drinking” box. “Vibrant, social, welcoming—and a city where men and women have no fear of socializing together. Even before they start drinking.” Oh.

In order to make up calculate its lovelorn rankings (Denver, Colorado is the worst American city to find love, FYI), The Great Love Debate “considered the opinions and demographic data from over 62,000 singles who attended the tour’s live shows in over 80 North American cities, and the millions who listened to the top-rated Great Love Debate with Brian Howie podcast.” For the record, The Great Love Debate has visited Milwaukee only twice: in April 2015, and in February 2017. It will return in March 2018 to check on whether or not Milwaukee men and women still socialize without fear, before or after alcohol.