Earlier this week, the Milwaukee Bucks bolstered their bench by signing veteran center DeMarcus Cousins to a one-year deal. Though injuries and age have impacted his once-otherworldly skillset, the addition of “Boogie” will hopefully be a huge help to the Bucks down the stretch as the team looks to repeat as NBA Champs. Also, who would’ve ever thought the Bucks would sign DeMarcus Cousins! Things have changed in a big way here in Milwaukee.
Anyway, while we were thinking about all of that stuff a few days ago, someone on Twitter—we’re pretty sure it was occasional Milwaukee Record contributor Brent Gohde by way of a “better bread, better subs” promo suggestion whenever Cousins comes off the bench—noted that the newest Bucks player shares a name with a popular local sandwich chain. Since we’re fans of the Bucks, sandwiches, and admittedly pretty shaky wordplay, the “DeMarcus Cousins Subs” revelation opened the floodgates in our brain. So that we can maybe stop thinking about it now, here are 10 Milwaukee Bucks/sandwich pairings.
Any Cousins Sub will do, but we’ll say “Boogie” pairs best with the Pepperoni Melt because it’s great.
George Hillshire Farm
Remember when Hillshire Farm was the name pre-packaged lunch meat? Milwaukee Record remembers. (Yes, we know that’s a Pepperidge Farm reference. Whatever.)
Giannis Antetokounm-Po’ Boy
Why not pair Giannis with a Po’ Boy? Both Giannis and Po’ Boys are awesome, and this pun at least kinda-sorta works.
Patty Melt Connaughton
A no-frills and generally well-liked player like Pat Connaughton deserves a sandwich that shares those same qualities. Oh yeah, and the whole Pat/Patty thing makes this a no-brainer.
Khris Middletongue Sandwich
We’ll admit that this one is probably the worst one on the list. We’ve never had a beef tongue sandwich and, no offense to anyone who likes this deli specialty, we’re not really in a rush to order one. Plus the pun is pretty strained. Khris deserves better than this. Sorry, Mr. Middleton.
Bobby Portis Underdog
Is a hot dog a sandwich?!?!?!?! Of course it isn’t, but for the sake of this article, let’s temporarily pretend this annoying talking point holds absolutely any weight so we can feature a Bobby Portis Underdog on our basketball-focused sandwich list.
We could’ve gone a few ways with the sandwich pairing for the Bucks rookie forward-center. We bypassed the obvious and unethical “Mamukelash-VEAL-i” wordplay in favor of modifying Sandro to “SANDO.” We’re happy with our decision and we hope you like it too.
Darvin Ham On Rye
Pretty self-explanatory, right? His last name is Ham.
Jrue Holiday Leftover Sandwich
We’re sure many of you put your Thanksgiving leftovers to use last week by crafting so-called Leftover Sandwiches with remnants of Thursday’s feast. Boom! The Jrue Holiday Leftover Sandwich officially counts.
Thanasis Antetokounm-Po’ Boy
Last and probably least, we come to the Thanasis Antetokounm-Po’ Boy, which is pretty much just the Giannis version of a Po’ Boy. However, this version is smaller and significantly worse, but it’s also far less expensive and provides a ton of energy off the bench…or chair, or wherever you have it.