Dear MKE SEX,
I have a very creative mind when it comes to sex, and am always thinking of new and fun ways I’d like to have sex with partners. But as a woman who is a little more than 50 years old, my body won’t always do the things I dream of. Sometimes I can get into these great positions, but I can’t stay in them. I sort of just slouch until I’m basically laying down and the effect is totally lost. Other times, things are going really well but then right before I get that big O, my hip cramps or my back spasms. I’ve tried using pillows (and couch cushions, piles of folded towels, an overturned laundry basket, and the list goes on) to hold me up, but it doesn’t really help. A friend of mine said I should get a sex pillow to help support me. Is a sex pillow really that different from the other things I’ve tried? Are there other things made specifically for sex that might help? My mind (and clit!) are so willing, but my body? Pfft. Is there something to make my dreams come true?
Thanks,
99 Problems and My Hips Are Definitely One
Dear 99 Problems,
I have good news! There are a number of products designed for people who want to be sexy in every position. Not all of them work for every body, but there’s a good chance that at least one of them will work for you! I’ll tell you about the most common ones and how they’re typically used. But a creative person like yourself will be probably be able to think of many other ways to make the most of them!
Straps are great because they help your partner hold you in the exact right spot during sex. This one is designed for use during penetration from behind (a.k.a. doggie-style). It goes under you at the hips to keep your butt in the air, and your partner can use it for leverage during thrusting. This strap goes behind your neck or shoulders and has ankle cuffs to support your legs. If you’re reclining back, it can help get you in a great position for G-spot stimulation and keep you there.
There are a variety of pillows and cushions out there made specifically for sex. And they’re really quite different than the pillows off your bed or even your couch cushions. Some of them are small just lift your hips, and others can help support your whole body. They’re made from a very dense foam that doesn’t squish and pop out from under you the way a lot of regular household items do. They’re really nice because you can just relax into them and let them hold you up in any position.
If any of your dreams include sex in the shower, I’ve got help for you there, too. This handle and this footrest can provide some good support and help you find that perfect angle. If you’re going to be playing in the shower, I’d also recommend a good non-slip mat or those grippy flower tub decals our grandparents used to have (and now you know why!).
There are some positions that you just can’t manage on a bed or couch. You need more freedom of movement or range of motion. That’s why there are great products like the over-the-door sex sling. It’s been constructed to hold up to 325 pounds. It doesn’t require any tools or hardware to use. You just need door that closes firmly and latches (and make sure you place the sling on the correct side of the door so you don’t accidentally open it during vigorous use!). Then you can climb in and assume a variety of fun positions.
If you want to take that freedom of movement a step further, you can always look into sex swings. This one is great because it’s free-standing meaning you don’t have to locate a cross beam and install permanent hardware. It sets up (and tears down!) in less than five minutes, and supports up to 350 pounds. The canvas seat is really supportive, allowing you to just climb in and enjoy the moment (or several moments).
Curious about cunnilingus? Anxious about anal? Do you have questions about queefs or problems with your prostate? Lucky Tomaszek is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee’s only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Send her an email at [email protected] and she’ll get back to you with an answer.