My husband and I are going away for one night on Thursday. There is a strip club up north near where we’re staying. Neither of us has ever been to one before so I somewhat jokingly mentioned we should go there. And he seemed excited. My excitement has been building like crazy today to the point that I had to come take care of it when I got off of work. I am a mixture of excitement and nerves thinking about it. Do other women really go to strip clubs? Do they go with their husbands? Is this weird or cool or something else? What do we do when we get there? What are your thoughts?

Strip Club Newbie

Dear Newbie,

My first thought is: Awesome! Go for it! But since you’re looking for practical pointers, I can help you with that, too. Here’s a basic list of things you might want to know before you go.

• Take a big ol’ stack of bills with you. Singles and fivers are good. Give them generously. If you’re sitting by the stage, you should give a few bucks for every dance you sit through. (And if you’re sitting by the stage, pay attention to the dancers. It’s super rude to sit there and have a conversation while ignoring the dancer.)

• Try not to be nervous when you’re approached by the dancers. Unless you’re a jerk, they will like interacting with you. Lots of dancers enjoy women customers as much (or more) than men. And if you talk to a dancer at your table for a few minutes, tip her a few bucks.

• If a dancer approaches you and you feel nervous, it’s okay to say so. “This is my first time and I’m so nervous.”

• Back to tipping, don’t assume you can put the money in her clothing or garters. If she wants you to do that, she’ll show you where. Otherwise, just hand it to her and she’ll take care of it. Americans can be weird about tipping. We either act like it’s gauche and do it secretly, or we act like it makes us king of the world and expect special treatment. Neither of those things are true. Tipping just makes you a decent human being, especially in a strip club.

• If you get a lap dance, you’ll have to pay for it and you still need to tip.

• Speaking of lap dances: You can’t touch the dancers. The whole point is the tease. They’ll still come close to you—they know the legal boundaries, as well as their own. Just let them do it all.

• Don’t for one minute pity or despair about the dancers. They do not need you to save them, and it won’t make the night better for you or for them. They are providing a service for you, and they are adults who are capable of making their own choices about where they work.

• And about that—please remember that the dancers are at work. This is their job. They need to get paid while they’re there (thus all the tipping), and they also deserve as much respect as anyone else you see in their place of employment.

• You can wear jeans or dress up a little. Be comfortable (whatever that means for you), but also feel good about how you look.

• Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to the dancers, or assuming that your husband is doing that either. The point of going to a club is enjoying the beauty and fantasy inside, not trying to be the most attractive woman there.

• Being around all of those naked bodies and being there with your partner is pretty heady. Flirt with each other throughout the night, and find the joy in sharing the experience.

• When you leave together at the end of the night, strike up a conversation about the things you saw and how you felt. Listen to his stories, too, even though you were with him. This kind of talk can really get the brain and body fired up and ready for good sex when you get home (not in the bathroom or the parking lot!).

Curious about cunnilingus? Anxious about anal? Do you have questions about queefs or problems with your prostate? Lucky Tomaszek is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee’s only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Send her an email at [email protected] and she’ll get back to you with an answer.

About The Author

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Lucky Tomaszek, LM, CPM, is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee's only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Most mornings you can find her balancing her cat and her keyboard in her lap, working to make the world a smarter, safer place for people of all genders and orientations.