There are times in the life of every artist when they tell themselves, “It’d be great to be paid for this one.” Capitalism has a few flaws, so someone might conceivably turn down a writer’s pitch to play Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball for money. More specifically, can we predict who will win between the Brewers and the Yankees on MLB Opening Day, 2025, based on the outcome of a Super Nintendo gem from 1994…for money? Does this fit within the paradigm of our economy? Thankfully, the brass at Milwaukee Record said yes, and we’re even stepping it up a notch with a video companion of how the game played out.
Thirty-one years after it was published by Nintendo and developed by Software Creations, Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball still stands as a title that’s as wordy as it is fun. The fast-paced action, pick-up-and-play accessibility, cartoonishly heroic design of the hitters, and insatiably funky soundtrack helped to cement the game’s legacy.
If there’s a retro game nerd inside us all, then this is a million-dollar idea. Just south of that optimism, if we can scratch that nostalgic itch for ’90s kids who grew up loving this title as much as we did, that’d be a win. An even bigger win could be had if the Brewers can upset the Yankees in New York on Thursday, March 27. In case you need a nudge to cheer for the underdogs over the Evil Empire, know that the Brewers’ current payroll is about $96.5 million, while the Yankees get to pay their talent almost three times that amount at around $289.5 million. (Baseball is as American as the uneven distribution of wealth.)
The dynamic between the Brew Crew and the Bronx Bombers wasn’t much different three-plus decades ago, when boxes of Griffey Baseball were flying off the shelf faster than a Randy Johnson heater. The small-market Crew finished dead-last in the AL East with 69 wins (nice!) and 93 losses (ope!). The big-market Pinstripes finished 88-74, second in the division only to the Blue Jays, who went on to win the World Series.
All this is to say, we’ll take sweet revenge against the damn Yankees and the spoiled snobs of the MLB any way we can get it. But is resentment alone enough to ensure victory? We weren’t 100% sure, so we decided to put in some extra work. We did this by meticulously setting the Brewers’ lineup.
For instance, Kevin Seitzer got the start over Billy Spiers due to Seitzer’s superior Batting and Power attributes. Left-handed batting DH Kevin Reimer got benched in favor of Tom “Bruno” Brunansky because Bruno is a right-handed batter and Yankees ace Jimmy Key is a southpaw. We did some serious OCD flexing to set the team up for success.
Skeptics may say we were high on pine tar fumes when we moved 38-year-old Robin Yount from outfield to shortstop, but the Kid has a 9/10 rating on Defense, so we believed we could maximize his value at SS. One spoiler from the video is that our thin, bearded prognosticator made a habit of saying, “That’s why you put Yount at shortstop.” That was worth repeating because the Hall of Famer exceeded expectations, and because there are worse phrases to put on a T-shirt.
With Cal Eldred on the bump for the Crew, the dastardly Yankees made a bit of noise in the first inning. A two-out double by Danny Tartabull (of Seinfeld fame) moved Pat Kelly to third base, but our boy Cal was unrattled. He induced a ground ball out from Paul O’Neil (also of Seinfeld fame).
Scoring started in the bottom half of the first for the good guys, as Seitzer scored on an RBI single by first baseman John Jaha. This led to the call: “John Jaha should be a name for more people. Men, women–I don’t care. Name your kids John Jaha.”
Those bums from New York tied the game at one in the third inning. Six-time All-Star Don Mattingly responded to heckles to shave his sideburns by drilling an RBI double off the right-field wall. We’re angry to report that Donnie Baseball remains defiant in his pro-sideburns stance.
The middle innings featured wasted opportunities for both squads. If you’re into seeing baserunners not scoring, you should watch all the runners these teams left stranded on your wedding night. For everyone else, we cut a few innings to speed up the game, because your time is valuable, and someday we are all going to die.
The 1-1 tie was broken in the seventh. With one out, Seitzer hit a ground ball between New York’s first and second basemen. Pat Kelly probably had a chance to field it, but the second baseman refused to dive. The ball rolled past him into shallow right for a seeing-eye single. Lackadaisical! Let’s make ‘em pay for that one.
Left fielder Greg Vaughn followed with a sneaky double down the left field line, setting the Brewers up for yet another chance to score. John Jaha grounded out to second and the runners at second and third couldn’t advance. Bummer. It shouldn’t discourage anyone from naming their child John Jaha, but still, it was a bummer. With two outs, pressure fell on the shoulders of the Brewer at bat.
Thankfully, that man was Robin Yount. We don’t throw the word “clutch” around willy-nilly, but Robin Yount is the most clutch player in the rich history of (Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League) Baseball. We know this because The Kid swatted a single to drive in Seitzer. It turned out to be the decisive run in a 2-1 victory for your Milwaukee Brewers.
Cal Eldred got himself out of a few jams to earn the win in the pitchers’ duel. But we’re giving MVP honors to Yount because it would be cooler to hear him acknowledge us with a simple, “Thanks, Milwaukee Record!”
We’d also like to give a heads up to Bernie Brewer. We seem to have found a bad omen in the post-game newspaper.
Bernie, we’re not sure how accurate our prediction system is. This is sort of a test run. But to be on the safe side, you might want to wear extra protection inside your costume, and keep that oversized head on a swivel. As Uecker told us, some of those fastballs fly juuust a bit outside.
You can watch our Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball play through below.