Breakfast in America. Breakfast in the Wisconsin Dells Big Boy.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: A once-great institution withers and fades, or so we’re told. A charismatic businessperson emerges with the promise of bringing the institution back, of making it great again. The charismatic businessperson succeeds, after a fashion, and the institution returns. Some people celebrate the newly resurrected institution. Others call it a shabby knockoff. A few years pass and the institution suddenly closes and changes hands. A few more years pass and the institution suddenly reemerges. Again! Some people celebrate the newly-newly resurrected institution. Others call it a shabby knockoff. Wash, rinse, repeat.

That’s the (highly simplified) history of Big Boy’s 21st-century return to Wisconsin, of course. In 2021, owners Chaz Hastings and Scott Carleton opened a Big Boy in Germantown—the state’s first Big Boy in 26 years. Two years later, the location closed. Two months after that, Hastings and Melissa Stuckart opened a new Big Boy in Sussex. Roughly six months after that, the Sussex location closed. Then, in late 2024, Hastings and Stuckart brought Big Boy back to the state yet again by opening a location in Wisconsin Dells. As of this writing, the Dells Big Boy is still open.

Throughout this modern-day Big Boy saga (“In many ways, the Big Boy never left, sir…”) certain folks have claimed the new locations are weak copies of the originals. “These aren’t the same Big Boys I remember!” go the typical comments. “The new owners don’t know what they’re doing! The food tastes different! And prices seem to have gone up since the franchise was founded in 1936!” Big Boy stories reported by this website have almost always generated hundreds of comments. Per social media law, those comments have ranged from “Neat! I remember that!” to “OK SNOWFLAKE IF YOU THINK THIS IS THE SAME BIG BOY WHY DON’T YOU GO F*CK YOURSELF BEFORE I—OOPS I’VE BEEN BANNED.”

All that anger, all that outrage, all that division. All for an old-school restaurant chain best known for its pleasantly plump mascot and for dumping Thousand Island Dressing on its burgers. (McDonald’s similarly Thousand Island-drenched Big Mac is a late-’60s copy of the Big Boy burger, dontcha know.) Surely these new Big Boys are simply fine, right?

On December 1, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, my family and I found ourselves in the Dells. (This happens more than you’d think.) Our favorite breakfast joint, Mr. Pancake, had closed for the season, and we were jonesing for some no-frills morning sustenance. Hey, how about that new Big Boy? You know, the one on the way out of town, at 701 Broadway, next door to a closed motel and across the street from the Dells Country Historical Society? Sure, the chain isn’t particularly known for its breakfast, but maybe we could scarf down some eggs and hang around until lunch and order a classic Big Boy burger to go. Let’s check it out!

So check it out we did. It was late morning during the off-season, so it was pretty quiet. A few folks who appeared to be Dells residents populated the counter, but that was about it. Here are some photos. Please note A.) the Big Boy merch, B.) the Big Boy wine, C.) the Big Boy gummies, and D.) the Big Boy restroom.

But what about, you know, the Big Boy food? Was it a cheap knockoff of the long-lost real thing? Was it secretly good? Or was it simply fine?

Again, Big Boy isn’t really a noted breakfast place, so let’s go with “simply fine.” My kid wasn’t a big fan of the pancakes. My wife wasn’t a big fan of the far-too-crispy crispy hash browns. My breakfast burrito, however, was super good! And I mean super good! I enjoyed every bite of it. I’d order it again. (The coffee was good, too.)

So there you go. Everything was fine. Not great (again), but fine. Maybe there’s something in this shoulder-shrug judgement that can be applied to America in general—America in the waning days of 2024, America in the looming shadow of 2025. Maybe meaningful discussions of tradition, nostalgia, perceived progress, the perceived lack of progress, the erosion of good manners, and pointless cultural divisions can be teased out from the copious coif of the cherubic Big Boy. I’d do it myself, but oh god, I’m so tired. So, so, tired. Aren’t you?

Oh yeah, one more thing. I did indeed order a Big Boy burger to go. Later that night, back in Milwaukee, I heated it up in the microwave and ate it. It was fantastic.