Have you ever listened to a song and thought, “This song is great, but I wish the singer was singing directly to me. You know, like singing my name and everything. That would be swell.” Of course you haven’t. Still, personalized songs have always been a thing, from those weird “Captain Zoom” birthday flexi discs to, well, let’s just cut to the chase, this incredible personalized love song mail-in offer from a South Milwaukee singer-songwriter circa 1985. Good god, this is beautiful.

“Remember the hit song, ‘I’ll Have To Say I Love You In A Song’?” begins the 33-year-old commercial. “Didn’t you ever wish you actually could? Well, now you can!” Finally. We’re then introduced to “composer-artist Edward John,” a dapperly dressed and mustachioed crooner who has a written a new love song, “That Someone Is You,” just for you. Or your loved one. For $14.95 plus $3 shipping and handling sent to a P.O. box in South Milwaukee.

Yes, the chorus to “That Someone Is You”—all silky sax and cool keys—can be personalized with the male or female name of your choosing. “I finally found the love I’ve always needed,” John sings in the commercial. “And Jennifer, it’s you.” And if Jennifer isn’t the love you’ve always needed, John can instead sing directly to Allison. Or Belinda. Or Gladys. Or Tina. Or Gary. (A female-sung version of the song closes out the commercial.)

The mysterious “Edward John,” by the way, is Milwaukee singer-songwriter Ed Lemberger, best known for his Packer novelty songs “I Love My Green Bay Packers,” “Brett Favre Boogie!” and “Aaron Rodgers Rock & Roll.” (Clearly, Lemberger’s love for the Pack can be personalized, too.) Ed, if your “That Someone Is You” offer still stands, and if you wouldn’t mind singing the name of a website, hit us up. We may be in need of a new theme song. [via The TV Madman]

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Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.