What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age! And ice bars! Oh, excuse us…allow us to break the ice: Here’s a list of upcoming Milwaukee ice bars. Learn it well, for it’s the chilling sound of your doom.

In this universe, there’s only one absolute…Milwaukee will go nuts with outdoor ice bars in January. On Friday, January 18 (weather permitting, so everybody chill), St. Paul Fish Company, Cafe Benelux, and The Wicked Hop will kick some ice by opening three hand-carved ice bars outside their Third Ward locations. The event is dubbed “Milwaukee’s Coolest Festival.” Coolest festival? Cool party!

Freeze in hell, Batman!

Not to be out-iced, the East Side’s popular Black Cat Alley will set up its own ice bar on Saturday January 19, from 5-9 p.m. Black Cat’s so-called “Fire+Ice” event will feature a hand-sculpted ice bar, fire pits, illuminated murals, and more. Some of the muralists will be there, too. Their bones will turn to ice! Their blood will freeze in our hands! Er, um, the event is free, but there’ll be a donation box. Give what you can.

What’s that? Mercy? You want mercy from all these fabulous Milwaukee ice bars? We’re afraid our condition has left us cold to your pleas of mercy. The ice bars cometh! A freeze is coming! This January, hell freezes over! You’re not sending US to the cooler!

Stay cool, Birdboy.

About The Author

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Co-Founder and Editor

Matt Wild weighs between 140 and 145 pounds. He lives on Milwaukee's east side.