Ever hear of Plainfield, Wisconsin? Oh, you have? Huh. For what reason? … Woof. Sounds like a story, but I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Let’s pay a visit to the quaint Wisconsin village (pop. 924 at the 2020 census) and stick with the real attractions, shall we?

Admire The Mural

Downtown Plainfield has this large mural of what appears to be a father and son admiring wholesome small town life—or possibly they’re looking onward in terror at an out of control semi truck about to hurtle combatively into an irrigation rig and a deer. Depends on how you look at it.

Doesn’t that little airplane in the sky remind you of the film North By Northwest? What’s that? You’re saying Hitchcock made another movie “inspired” by this town? Sure, pal. Never heard of it. Also, black and white movies aren’t really my thing.

Snack Break At Royal Supermarket

Grab a cold beer or a hot “grab-and-go” chicken from the deli counter. You’re getting that look again, reader. Stop it. We agreed this would be a wholesome article.

Starks & Luce Coffee Parlor And Bakehouse

Damn it! It’s closed. This would have been a nice spot for an afternoon caffeine boost and looks like a great place to post up for a little while to get some writing done.

What’s that, reader? You’re bringing up writing? Something about a Wisconsin author named Robert Bloch, who supposedly wrote a “famous” horror novel inspired by events around here? Sure, pal. From what I’ve heard, Bloch’s real claim to fame was a short run of writing for Star Trek. Hardly Stephen King material. Sounds more like a dusty Goodwill paperback to me. Still, not everyone can land a gig writing for prestigious outlets like Milwaukee Record. Best of luck to him, though.

Shopping

No offense, reader, but you make me nervous with all this disturbing taxidermy chat—and when I get nervous, I resort to retail therapy. When in town, stop by the Mi Tiendita Mexican store (I purchased a mighty fine jar of salsa and some delicious tortillas) and hop across the street to II Roam Gifts, Dry Goods, and Spirits. Spirits as in booze, not spirits as in the dead.

Plainfield Bowl & Pizzeria

Dear reader, you keep going on and on about “a legendary Plainfield scandal?” Yeah, well I’d say the only scandal here is that the Pizzeria is dedicated to all the Chicago sports clubs, right here in the heart of Packers country. Bold decor choice in these parts!

Plainfield Bowl & Pizzeria is exactly what you think: bowling, pizza, and Italian sausage sandwiches that scorch the roof of your mouth. That was the only violence I encountered here, and honestly, probably the only violence in town ever. (Take that as official history, not open for debate).

So there you have it. If you’re passing through Plainfield, stop in. There’s plenty to enjoy without wandering into…whatever it is you keep hinting at. Honestly, you might need a hobby. Bowling’s nice. Try bowling.

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