Last Sunday’s 24-21 Packers victory over the Vikings in Minneapolis was a rather unexciting affair compared to the two consecutive routes in which Green Bay scored more than 50 points. One of the few highlights of the efficient, workmanlike win over the NFC North cellar-dwellers actually occurred after the game. While fielding questions at the post-game press conference, Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers took casual sips from a bottle of Grape Crush soda—aka “Purple Crush.”
Since Rodgers is prone to photo-bombing, he recreated the Smoking Jay Cutler meme on the field while playing in Chicago this year, and nobody drinks Crush intentionally, people—Packers safety LeRoy Butler among them—assumed the QB’s choice in beverage was a subtle jab in the direction of the Vikes. According to Rodgers himself, that wasn’t the case in the slightest. Rather, the all-pro quarterback and MVP candidate apparently eats like a gradeschooler, with the aforementioned soft drink and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich serving as his go-to meal after games for all seven years of his career.
We choose to believe No. 12, lest we be declared “idiot trolls” making “ridiculous” and “comical” assumptions. Still, the victory beverage taunt would be a pretty inventive way to throw dirt on a decimated foe at the post-game presser. Rodgers apparently has too much class to partake, but Milwaukee Record doesn’t. With the potential for five regular season victories left this year, here are five team-appropriate drink suggestions for Rodgers (or any Packer, really) to troll opponents.
New England Patriots – Samuel Adams Cold Snap
While the Packers own the lifetime series lead over New England, the Tom Brady era Patriots have owned Green Bay in a small sample size. In two games since 2006, New England has outscored the Pack 66-27, including a 35-0 shutout the last time the teams met at Lambeau Field. So why not celebrate the end of a 12-year-long cold snap with an aptly-named Beantown ale? With plenty of (way better) in-state options available, the gesture won’t be lost on Boston media.
Atlanta Falcons – RC Cola
Following what’s likely to be an easy victory over the hard luck Falcons, it’d be kind of funny and fitting for Rodgers to rub it in with the bronze medal of colas. On one hand, imbibing in a Royal Crown Cola could serve as a gentle hint regarding the quarterback’s MVP worthiness in the waning weeks of the season. More blunt, though, would be the audacity of drinking it while discussing the systematic dismantling of the team from Coke country. Bypassing Coca-Cola and Pepsi in favor of the ultra obscure soda would just hammer the point home his intent even more.
Buffalo Bills – Molson
At this point, the Buffalo Bills have a winning record and are alive in the playoff hunt. With the Cleveland Browns (the other shitty team playing well above expectations) and Denver Broncos coming up on the schedule, that might not be the case when they host the Packers in mid-December. Having just been dealt what could serve as the Bills’ death blow for their long-awaited postseason hopes, Rodgers could throw some extra salt…or barley in the wound by cracking a Molson, putting his feet up on the podium, and giving a “like we wouldn’t beat the Bills”-type interview in northern New York. Like the Bills, the beer was in its heyday in the late ’80s and early ’90s. Plus, it could be a creative way to reference the team’s potential relocation across the border to Toronto, and to suggest there isn’t a notable enough Buffalo-based beverage to drink to taunt its football team. No, a bowl of Frank’s Red Hot with melted butter and a ranch dressing chaser doesn’t qualify as a beverage.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – All-Sport
Similar to the Falcons troll, avoiding Gatorade (a Florida invention) to, instead, indulge in an expired bottle of the hard-to-find semi-carbonated sideache juice that is All-Sport would be a marvelous way to say, “I’d rather drink something publicly that might not be produced anymore than acknowledge you or your state’s most famous non-juice or meth consumable for a few minutes of my life.”
Detroit Lions – Bell’s Oberon
In recent summers, this Kalamazoo brew (like the Lions of the past few years) was favored by many. Also like the state’s football counterpart, Oberon has a way of falling out of favor and getting flat by Thanksgiving, giving way to varieties that are better equipped to do the job in winter. And while there are tastier beers to celebrate a division title and first round bye earned in the victory, it’s still better than a Stroh’s.