With the 21st pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Green Bay Packers set out to improve its under-performing (and M.D. Jennings-less) secondary that dragged the team down to the 25th ranked defense last season by taking a safety from the University of Alabama in the first round. Miraculously, the safety—the first safety taken by the Packers in the first round since George Teague in 1993—fell to Green Bay, despite being in the top 10 on the draft boards of numerous respected NFL pundits. Based on those details alone, the first round selection looks to be yet another feather in Ted Thompson’s incomparable frock of solid draft picks. When you factor in the pick’s name is Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, the selection is already having great results.
Legally named He’Sean Clinton-Dix, the top-tier rookie defender—who plans to wear Charles Woodson’s number 21— joins a storied cast of oddly named Packers players, alongside the likes of Atari Bigby, Taco Wallace, Lynn Dickey, Samkon Gado, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, Curly Lambeau, and so many more. Fans were overwhelmingly ecstatic that the Packers could get their hands on Clinton-Dix. For as many people who were glad about the acquisition based on football pedigree alone, nearly as many seem to derive a reaction from an adult human man being willingly called Ha Ha. More than a few of those people took to Twitter on night one of the draft to react.
Of the myriad of routes one can take when plying this unusual moniker for the sake of a laugh, one of the most literal and clean ways is the “Ha Ha” application. When number 21 breaks up a pass, demolishes a quarterback on a safety blitz, or returns an interception for a touchdown, get ready for the bar, living room, or you section of the stadium to reverberate with the sharp, abrasive pang of bastardized Nelson Muntz impersonations. Now when you point and laugh at Bears fans after Jay Cutler throws yet another interception to the guys in green, it won’t be rude, but simply a means of identification.
THE INTERNET. pic.twitter.com/02Sk82Krfs
— Brent Gohde (@brentgohde) May 9, 2014
— Andy Silverman (@SILVERMANHERE) May 9, 2014
So, Ha Ha Clinton-Dix immediately followed by Boo Hoo Johnny Manziel. — pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 9, 2014
Even when accounting Ha Ha is a nickname, it’s still a pretty fucked up name. There’s a hyphen and everything. Don’t get us wrong, we love it. Others haven’t been as eager to accept the uncommon name, though.
Drinking Game Idea: Take a drink every time you hear Ha Ha Clinton Dix’s name for the rest of your life. — Amos Posner (@AmosPosner) May 9, 2014
Soooo wait… your pregnant for 9 months and HaHa Clinton-Dix is the best you come up with? Oh okay. — Regina D’Auria (@reginaa__george) May 9, 2014
I almost got hit by a car earlier so I’m just really enjoying the name Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. It’s good to be alive and not named that. — Tommy Siegel (@TommySiegel) May 9, 2014
No one can convince me that Ha Ha Clinton-Dix isn’t a name planted by Key and Peele. — Aaron Oberley (@crazyao13) May 9, 2014
I only care about where Ha Ha Clinton-Dix ends up. #NFLDraft
— Jordan Peele (@JordanPeele) May 8, 2014
The NFL Draft is an inside job! #PackersDraftFudge
Hmm…that last one seems pretty nuanced for not much payoff, but if Clinton-Dix’s name can conjure really detailed and astonishingly unlikely marriage scenarios regarding yet-unborn children to result in semi-functional laughter puns, all the better.
A less obscure pathway to laugh country comes by way of reiterating an under-publicized story from late last century when the acting President of the United States got a beej from a White House intern. Some adept tweeters caught on to the small detail that the last name of the newest Packer is a combination of said commander-in-chief’s last name and a phonetic slang word for the very thing he had beej’ed. Clinton-Dix’s new teammate Josh Sitton was among the first detectives to connect the dots.
I bet Monica Lewinski likes our draft pick
— josh sitton (@jsitton71) May 9, 2014
Are we sure Ha Ha Clinton-Dix isn’t actually a rejected fake name from a Jay Leno monologue? — Will McAvoy (@WillMcAvoyACN) May 9, 2014
Kind of the same thing…
Ha-Ha Clinton Dix’s parents were clearly fans of late night talk show hosts in the mid-90s
— Ike Barinholtz (@ikebarinholtz) May 9, 2014
Clinton Dicks? The 90s were the best. — Rubie Q (@Rubie_Q) May 9, 2014
Monica Lewinsky and Clinton Dix in the news: What year is it?
— Baitifer (@nowordsforthis) May 9, 2014
Between his skillset, Green Bay addressing a position of need with a great value pick, and, yes, dude’s batshit name, the Packers draft is already a success. With Ha Ha Clinton-Dix plugging a hole in the defense, it looks to be both a bright and funny season in Packerland.
Based on Twitter’s reaction to the Packers pick. This season is going to be full of terrible puns and dick jokes. Great. — Dan Walsh (@dwalsh76) May 9, 2014
You’re damn right, Walsh. Deal with it.
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix getting drafted is a great way to ease people into Louisville linebacker Fartnoise Regan-Boner being drafted on Saturday.
— Tyler Maas (@TylerJamesMaas) May 9, 2014