Yesterday, when most of the city was navigating the flood of headliners announced for this year’s Summerfest, the lineup of another annual Henry Maier Festival Park event was also made public. That’s right, we now know who will be heading to town when the Vans Warped Tour stops in Milwaukee on Tuesday, July 26. Founded in 1995, Milwaukee has been a part of most Warped Tour schedules in the traveling (primarily) pop-punk and ska festival’s 20-year run, including last year’s rendition, which we called “the worst Warped Tour in recent memory.” With “talent” that topped out at Riff Raff, Senses Fail, and Silverstein, the weak cast Warped trotted out last year even failed to strike a chord with our 14-year-old correspondent.
Fortunately, the lineup for Vans Warped Tour ’16 is worlds better than anything booked in 2015, yet somehow, is still pretty bad. This time around, the 80-act arsenal coming to the festival grounds features respected hip-hop talent like Waka Flocka Flame and PROF. There will be dynasty bands like Good Charlotte, Sum 41, New Found Glory, Yellowcard, Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake, and Every Time I Die. Even relevant bands of today are involved, such as Knuckle Puck and Madison’s own Masked Intruder.
However, the vast majority of the tween-focused exercise in skate shoe marketing is composed of interchangeable flash-in-the-pan pop-punk and screamo outfits you’ve probably never heard of before today. On the rare chance some of the performers mentioned above sway you to go to this year’s Warped Tour, here’s Milwaukee Record‘s official band guide.
Numerals
3OH!3
Dash Ten
First To Eleven
Four Year Strong
Ice Nine Kills
Sum 41
Entirely male bands with a woman’s name or a direct reference to a woman
Chelsea Grin
Emarosa
Good Charlotte
Vanna
Veil Of Maya
More To Monroe
Bullet For My Valentine
WordsSmashedTogether
Coldrain
SayWeCanFly
WhiteChapel
Yellowcard
Waterparks
Movie or TV show references
Atreyu
Knuckle Puck
Young Guns
Exclamation points!
3OH!3
Ballyhoo!
Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!
Water- or nautical-themed
Against The Current
Capsize
Coldrain
In Hearts Wake
Ice Nine Kills
Like Pacific
Oceans Ate Alaska