Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, a day for love, peace, and endless “What to do if you don’t like Valentine’s Day” posts. It was also a day that inspired Urban Milwaukee‘s Jeramey Jannene to pen a cute lil’ piece called “My 5 Milwaukee Valentines.” Facebook user (and purported Milwaukee County Sheriff) David Clarke was among those Valentines.

“What better day than Valentine’s Day to dole out some love to a group of Milwaukeeans making an impact on the city?” Jannene wrote. His greatest-hits bit on Clarke, meanwhile, read like this:

“Give the Milwaukee County Sheriff a hug next time you see him, he needs it. His behavior of late has been downright puzzling, even compared to his past statements.

“He was involved in a bizarre confrontation on an airplane that ended with Riverwest resident Dan Black being detained at General Mitchell International Airport. Further compounding things, his office posted a highly inflammatory image online of Black that contained text stating ‘Cheer Up Snowflake…If Sheriff Clarke were to really harass you, you wouldn’t be around to whine about it.’ This followed a statement earlier this week about ‘knocking out’ Black and others like him. All this over a Dallas Cowboys jersey.

“If you needed proof that pigs could fly, the official Milwaukee County Sheriff’s Office Facebook has now twice praised columns by Urban Milwaukee editor Bruce Murphy (not necessarily known for pro-Clarke stories) in the past month. One Murphy story Clarke liked had some critical words about the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and the other was an expose on Charlie Sykes, with whom the Sheriff has had a huge falling out. (Didn’t I say the Sheriff needed some love?)

“In a couple months we’ll learn this was all an audition for a job in the administration of President Donald Trump. Unless Clarke gets nothing. Then he’ll really need a hug.”

And today, Clarke replied, via Facebook (natch), in the third person (natch):

“These local media outlets always think there is a hidden agenda with the Sheriff. There is NOT. The sheriff hasn’t changed because Trump won. He is consistent.

“Sheriff Clarke said, ‘Anyone trying to hug me will not like my reaction. Warning. Keep your distance. Cops do not like anyone in their personal space (within arm’s length). Surprise attacks happen to people who come in too close.'”

Other recipients of Jannene’s Valentine’s Day love include Milwaukee Bucks star Giannis Antetokounmpo and Milwaukee Public Schools superintendent Dr. Darienne Driver. As of press time, neither have threatened to attack potential huggers.

About The Author

Matt Wild
Co-Founder and Editor

In his spare time, Matt Wild enjoys collecting 8-bit Nintendo games (emulation is for creeps) and fondly remembering the time Milwaukee weatherman Vince Condella caused a stir at his Catholic grade school by showing up with an earring. He lives on Milwaukee's East Side.