The state of Wisconsin was rocked by two big, ridiculous stories yesterday. The first involved Gov. Scott Walker suggesting folks could help him pay off his failed presidential campaign debt by purchasing “Scott Walker For President” T-shirts and using them for “crafty things,” like pillows, bags, or, we dunno, cloth diapers. The second involved Dustin Diamond—a.k.a. Screech from Saved By The Bell—getting an early release from Ozaukee County Jail, where the actor and comedian had been holed up for the last three months after stabbing a motherfucker on Christmas Day. (Headline we thought of but didn’t run: “Samuel Powers And The Ozaukee County Jail Redemption.”)

So how are the two stories related? Walker has never spent time in the clink and Diamond has never made a bid for the White House (unless we missed Saved By The Bell: The Campaign Years on TBS), but both have now hawked T-shirts to make some quick cash. The shocking, inevitable connection was first brought to our attention by FOX6 anchor and reporter Brad Hicks:

Yes, way back in 2006, Diamond attempted to raise $250,000 to save his Port Washington home by selling T-shirts that read “Save My House” and “I paid $15.00 to save Screeech’s house.” (Diamond added the third “e” in “Screech” to get around copyright laws.) And while the “Get D Shirts” website is long gone, it can viewed in all its sad glory via the Wayback Machine.

No word yet on whether Walker will launch an 80’s- and 90’s-themed dance party at Turner Hall to further chip away at his debt, or if he’ll beat up Donald Trump for going out with Lisa Turtle.

And here, we made this:

sdd

About The Author

Matt Wild
Co-Founder and Editor

In his spare time, Matt Wild enjoys collecting 8-bit Nintendo games (emulation is for creeps) and fondly remembering the time Milwaukee weatherman Vince Condella caused a stir at his Catholic grade school by showing up with an earring. He lives on Milwaukee's East Side.