Every Friday, Off The Record looks to other Milwaukee publications for bits of news we missed throughout the week.

• If there’s one thing Americans are good at, it’s suffering countless indignities in exchange for the illusion of safety. Security practices that would have been unthinkable two decades ago—removing everything but your socks before getting on a plane, for example—have now become commonplace and accepted, because oh well, that’s just the world we live, and we really need to get to Denver by 9. Even Miller Park, formerly content to simply have senior citizens take a quick look inside your purse in the name of safety, is getting in on the action. And who better to sell you on the idea of “enhanced security measures” at the ballpark than Mr. Baseball himself, Bob Uecker?

Yes, as part of an MLB-wide security program (in conjunction with your pals at the Department of Homeland Security) metal detectors will be installed in all Miller Park gates for the September 11 and 13 home games, as well as—cough cough—all postseason games and every game beginning in 2015. Finally, we can feel safe at a baseball game.

Anyway, since the Uecker video can’t be embedded (we’re guessing it’s too busy emptying its pockets), check it out here.

• Obi-Wan Kenobi described Mos Eisley as a “wretched hive of scum and villainy,” a colorful turn of phrase that could also apply to the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee’s student government. The glorified student council has seen its share of future political psychopaths walk through its powerless doors over the years, including members with racist blogs, members accused of sexual assault, members who dressed like Hitler for Halloween, and members who were simply bat-shit insane. That proud tradition continues with UWM senior Mohammad Samir Siddique, who is taking action against the university for not recognizing the “power” of his recently created student government group. The Journal Sentinel has all the head-shaking details.

• OnMilwaukee’s half-hearted curmudgeon and avowed leg man Dave Begel has had just about enough of this “political correctness” crap, thank you very much. Begel takes on this timely subject—a favorite topic of every angry white-dude comedian from 1994—in a piece that a) shows the same basic lack of understanding of “freedom of speech” that you always find in these pieces, and b) makes no fucking sense.

• A bunch of people who make more money than you got together for a luncheon at the University Club and talked about some more “placemaking” bullshit, reports Urban Milwaukee.

• Roger Stevens Menswear—that high-end clothing store inside the Pfister Hotel—is closing after nearly 40 years in business. The Milwaukee Business Journal has more.

• Speaking of beleaguered downtown businesses, the Shops of Grand Avenue are back on the auction block. The Milwaukee Business Journal reports that the starting bid is $4.75 million, which may or may not include the Leonard Bearstein Symphony Orchestra.

• The Journal Sentinel’s don’t-call-it-a-buyout buyout by Cincinnati-based E.W. Scripps Co. hasn’t led to any layoffs…YET, teases the Milwaukee Business Journal.

• Urban Milwaukee profiled Whitney and Julie Teska of Orchard Street Press, a local printing company known for its work with local bands and restaurants.

• As part of its ongoing Influenced series, the Shepherd Express talked to local music staple Eric Blowtorch about his love for the Beastie Boys.

• OnMilwaukee’s Bobby Tanzillo explored the nooks and crannies of the Modjeska Theater (site of the infamous They Might Be Giants stage-collapse) for his excellent Urban Spelunking series.

• The Shepherd Express talked to Spoon’s bass player ahead of the band’s September 17 show at the Riverside.

• What are you doing this weekend? This is what you’re doing this weekend: Nick Swardson at Pabst Theater; the Bay View Bash; Global Union at Humboldt Park; and Whips at Boone & Crockett.