One Million Moms, a “Christian community” of parents, was brought into this world by a higher power (Facebook) in 2009. Since then, the group—which is more accurately just 69,723 uptight people with nothing better to do—has done its part to thrust its half-hatched moral agenda anywhere and everywhere it possibly can in hopes of cleaning up television and other sinful facets of pop-culture with a steady wave of over-edited efforts to annoy and harass any party that opposes the group’s unthinkably rigid views.

Over the past few weeks, One Million Moms has launched campaigns asking people to barrage Pfizer with phone calls for airing Viagra ads too early in the day, and having the audacity to say “erectile dysfunction” instead of ED. They bullied Toys ’R’ Us into pulling out of (Sorry…language. I mean, withdrawing from) advertising during 2 Broke Girls after the primetime network show dared to broadcast “sexual innuendos” and “disrespect to parents.” Meanwhile, their Facebook page salivates over Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas, the actor’s widely panned attempt to “put Christ back in Christmas.”

Monday, the group directed its latest volley of phone-based passive aggression at Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin. Yes, Kohl’s now has the pleasure of handling 1MM’s unique brand of semi-organized insanity as a result of the company’s decision to advertise during ABC’s “creepy” program How To Get Away With Murder. Then again, the show does have the word “murder” in its title. Maybe 1MM’s argument actually holds water this time. Let’s see what they have to say, shall we?

“This show is about more than murder and violence. There is a whole slew of sins in this series that the network calls entertainment. This program has included assault and murder on several occasions, as well as graphic heteros-xual and homos-xual s-x scenes on a p-rn-graphic level, foul language, mockery of Jesus Christ and Christians, s-x with a minor (statutory r-pe), adultery and marital affairs.”

Adultery and marital affairs? That’s some nasty sh-t! Honestly, there’s no need to bring politics or religion into this. No matter what your most opinionated Facebook friend or outspoken relative says, there are intelligent, understanding, and respectful people on both sides of the aisle, and morality can exist on either side of the church/temple/synagogue/mosque/whatever doors. However, when one group’s moral compass leads them to lash out an entity that’s not directly related to the issues at hand, it’s even more dangerous than the antiquated and socially-stagnating beliefs 1MM is trying to uphold.

Urging people to strong-arm a 50-year-old department store that employs more than 40,000 people spread throughout 49 American states because they were touting a two-day sale between scenes of a fictional program that adheres to stringent network regulations is like boycotting Piggly Wiggly for having an ad run beside a particularly upsetting horoscope. Why stop there? Menards is a proud sponsor of The Simpsons on My 24. Sadly, that includes episodes made after season eight AND with A-plot stories focused on Lisa. Call your local Menards immediately and yell “Homer becomes a food critic!” or “The one with Hank Scorpio!” at whomever answers. Speaking of local hardware chains, I’ll take Jeopardy advertisers who apparently support giving a perfectly good AMERICAN game show host job to a guy from CANADA for 600, please. Daily double! Man, it’s pretty early in the game…let’s make it a true Daily Double. Hmm.. This is a business that nutjobs should call to voice their shitty opinions about something entirely unrelated. What is Blain’s Farm & Fleet? [polite clapping, continued control of the board]

Sadly, it appears this tactic of bypassing the networks directly and, instead, trying to lop off major advertisers actually works often enough for 1MM to continue issuing what the group calls “interventions.” It’s likely the handful of advertisers who cave to 1MM’s demands when the group “takes action” are only doing so to restore normalcy to their company and evade further controversy, however small and brief it may be. Shit, it’s likely Kohl’s decided on the time slot because market research told them their target demographic watches the show, not because “this series pushes casual s-x as acceptable.” Even if it’s only done to stop the call center sermons from coming in, complying with the bigoted and radical standards set by a vocal minority is pretty much the same thing as supporting that group’s mission. Even with what One Million Moms calls “s-nsual” subject matter, How To Get Away With Murder sounds dumb and is likely to get cancelled soon anyway. If Kohl’s speeds up the process by letting a West Allis-sized group of homophobic prudes that like Kirk Cameron run any part of their business, then there’s a valid reason for people to start calling Kohl’s corporate.

So stick to your guns, Kohl’s, even if you’re unaware you had a position in the matter until a bunch of weirdos funneled their repression into a phone tree. Just focus on doing what you do best…selling exclusive Marc Anthony Collection men’s outerwear for 40 percent off.

[Via Queerty, h/t Donovan A.]