Dear MKE SEX,

I have a new partner, things got hot, and we went there. Oral sex is my absolute fave, and I couldn’t wait to get my mouth on him. (Don’t worry—we got tested first.) I’m usually a swallower, but damn. Not this time! His spunk tasted totally different from what I’m accustomed to. It was so bitter, swallowing wasn’t even an option. I flat out told him I couldn’t stand the way it tasted. Now, can we even make oral sex more appealing at this juncture? For real. I don’t want to give up my number one pastime. What can we do?

Sincerely,
Pretended to swallow (but didn’t)

Dear Swallow,

Good on you for getting tested before blowing that whistle. You’re clearly smart and sexy, and I’ve got some good news for you about that funky spunk.

Normally, I’d suggest a round of STI tests to rule out infection for this issue. But since you’ve already handled that, we can look at other solutions. The taste of our fluids is greatly influenced by what we eat, drink, and smoke. A diet high in foods like garlic, onions, asparagus, red meat, and greasy foods will likely change the taste of semen and vaginal fluid for the worse. Drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes do the same thing, as do really intense physical workouts. Conversely, being well-hydrated, eating fruits and drinking fruit juices, and minimizing alcohol and cigarette intake will improve the taste.

Because body functions are a constant process, this can be an easy thing to influence in a fairly short period of time. Ask him to reduce the offending stuff, and increase things that make him tasty for about 24 hours before sexy times. If your sex life is pretty active, maybe he’ll consider some long term changes to diet and lifestyle to accommodate your hunger for hummers.

If he tries this stuff but there’s not much change, it may just be the way his body is. We’re all a little different, and that includes the way we taste. If that’s the case, you’ve still got a couple of other options. Flavored lube can go a long way toward making things palatable again, and chasing his load with a big gulp of water can dilute the taste even more. If that’s not effective, you could always try using flavored condoms during oral sex. He could stay in your mouth throughout orgasm and ejaculation, but the condom would catch it all. Everybody wins

One final thought: If the two of you stay together for a while and really start building a relationship, this may matter less. People have a tendency to grow on each other. Things that were jarring in the beginning often become normal as feelings deepen over time. There may be a time in the future where you don’t mind the way he tastes at all. Until then, keep pineapple juice in the fridge and a big glass of water next to the bed.

Curious about cunnilingus? Anxious about anal? Do you have questions about queefs or problems with your prostate? Lucky Tomaszek is the education coordinator at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique, Milwaukee’s only mission-driven, education-focused sex toy store. Send her a question at mkesex@gmail.com and she’ll get back to you with an answer.